Favorite Joke Thread
Here’s my favorite joke. Ever.
A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks the clerk, “Got any duck food?”
“No”, says the clerk, “we don’t sell duck food.”
“OK”, says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks into the pharmacy and aks “Got any duck food?”
The clerk once again replies, “No, like I told you, we don’t sell duck food.”
“OK”, says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks into the pharmacy and asks “Got any duck food?”
The clerk says “Hey look, I told you two times already that we don’t sell duck food!”
“OK”, says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks into the pharmacy and says “Got any duck food?”
This time the clerk yells “We don’t sell any duck food and if you come in here one more time asking, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to the ground!”
“OK”, says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks into the pharmacy and says “Got any nails?”
“No”, says the confused clerk.
The duck says, “Good, got any duck food?”
Your turn.
Update: I am going overseas on business for the week, so posting may be sporadic. Therefore, please make sure we at least have some good jokes to keep us going…
Update: Speaking about duck food:
Neither gunfire nor two days in a refrigerator could slay this duck.When the wife of the hunter who shot it opened the refrigerator door, the duck lifted its head, giving her a scare.
The man’s wife “was going to check on the refrigerator because it hadn’t been working right and when she opened the door, it looked up at her,” said Laina Whipple, a receptionist at Killearn Animal Hospital. “She freaked out and told the daughter to take it to the hospital right then and there.”
The 1-pound female ring-neck ended up at Goose Creek Wildlife Sanctuary, where it has been treated since Tuesday for wounds to its wing and leg.
Sanctuary veterinarian David Hale said it has about a 75 percent chance of survival, but probably won’t ever be well enough to be released back into the wild.
He said the duck, which has a low metabolism, could have survived in a big enough refrigerator, especially if the door was opened and closed several times. And he said he understands how the hunter thought the duck was dead.
“This duck is very passive,” Hale said. “It’s not like trying to pick up a Muscovy at Lake Ella, where you put your life in your hands.”
About the Author
An Australian immigrant to Israel, Aussie Dave has been blogging since early 2003.Filed Under: General
Hi Dave,
Thanks for the great joke.
I linked to it from my blog.
Shalom,
Maksim-Smelchak.
Very good!
My favourite joke ever? That’s easy.
The United Nations.
I just received this one via email a couple of days ago:
A man walks into an adult store and asks the clerk for a blow-up doll.
Clerk: Male or Female?
Customer: Female.
Clerk: White or Black?
Customer: White.
Clerk: Christian or Muslim?
Customer: What does that have to do with it?
Clerk: Well, the Muslim one blows itself up…
Jesus walks into a hotel and puts three nails and a hammer on the counter and says “Can you put me up for the night?”
Did you hear about the shaky-handed mohel? He got the sack!
Just saw the 2-minute featurette preview for Heroes this week. It’s looking like Hana is most definitely NOT good for the Jews. Let’s hope that isn’t true.
i have a duck joke
There once was a murder in the park. (The cute kind of park, with magic talking animals and kitchy decorations and background music)
The detective who was called in was informed that there were only four witnesses to the murder, all of them ducks.
A bit odd, but still, the investigation must go on.
He starts questioning the first duck,
“What’s your name?”
“Quack”
“And what were you doing during the murder?”
“I blew bubbles!”
He goes on to the second duck,
“And what’s your name?”
“Quack-Quack”
“And what were you doing during the murder?”
“I blew bubbles!”
He goes on to the third duck,
“So what’s your name?”
“Quack-Quack-Quack”
“And what were you doing during the murder?”
“I blew bubbles!”
He goes on to the last duck,
“And what’s your name?”
“Me? I’m Bubbles !”
A new Teacher starts School just graduating from Berkley she asked which of her students were liberal she asked them to raise their hand
(The Kids) Wanting to impress the teacher all the kids raised their hands except one
(The teacher) wondering why the one student didn’t raise her hand the teacher asked why she was not a liberal
(A proud little girl) Responded my parents are Conservatives so I am on too
(The Teacher) Thinking for a second she responds if your parents were morons would you be one too?
(The proud little Girl) Responds NO then I would be a liberal:-)
Thanks for Reading
Brian
FLA,USA
A new Teacher starts School just graduating from Berkley she asked which of her students were liberal she asked them to raise their hand
(The Kids) Wanting to impress the teacher all the kids raised their hands except one
(The teacher) wondering why the one student didn’t raise her hand the teacher asked why she was not a liberal
(A proud little girl) Responded my parents are Conservatives so I am on too
(The Teacher) Thinking for a second she responds if your parents were morons would you be one too?
(The proud little Girl) Responds NO then I would be a liberal:-)
Thanks for Reading
Brian
From the USA
A new Teacher starts School just graduating from Berkley she asked which of her students were liberal she asked them to raise their hand
(The Kids) Wanting to impress the teacher all the kids raised their hands except one
(The teacher) wondering why the one student didn’t raise her hand the teacher asked why she was not a liberal
(A proud little girl) Responded my parents are Conservatives so I am on too
(The Teacher) Thinking for a second she responds if your parents were morons would you be one too?
(The proud little Girl) Responds NO then I would be a liberal:-)
Thanks for Reading
Brian
From the USA
A new Teacher starts School just graduating from Berkley she asked which of her students were liberal she asked them to raise their hand
(The Kids) Wanting to impress the teacher all the kids raised their hands except one
(The teacher) wondering why the one student didn’t raise her hand the teacher asked why she was not a liberal
(A proud little girl) Responded my parents are Conservatives so I am on too
(The Teacher) Thinking for a second she responds if your parents were morons would you be one too?
(The proud little Girl) Responds NO then I would be a liberal:-)
Thanks for Reading
Brian
From the USA
and a Duck Joke Sort of
sorry for the muiltple posts of the last joke
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.” The other cow replies, “I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.”
Brian
three men die and go to heaven.
st. peter meets them at the pearly gates and tells them there is only one rule in heaven.
don’t step on any ducks.
they agree and upon entering heaven realize what st. peter has said.
there are ducks everywhere.
ring necks.
mallards.
flying.
walking.
chicks.
everywhere.
as luck would have it, one of the men steps on a duck the first day.
out of nowhere st. peter appears, chain in one hand, he attaches the legging to his ankle. on the other end of the chain is the most hideous woman he has ever seen.
st. peter walks off without saying a word.
weeks go by and the second man steps on a duck.
out of nowhere st. peter appears, chain in one hand, he attaches the legging to his ankle. on the other end of the chain is the most hideous woman he has ever seen.
st. peter walks off without saying a word.
the third man is from here on very careful, and actually becomes very adept at avoiding the ducks.
one day st. peter approaches, chain in one hand. the legging goes around his ankle. on the other end of the chain is the most beutiful woman he has ever seen.
i don’t know what i have done to be chained to such a vision as yourself for all of eternity, he says.
i don’t know about you, but i stepped on a duck, is her reply.
Well, this is a bird joke so I hope it fits.
A Chinese guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, he’s neat. Where’d you get him?”
The parrot says, “China, there’s a billion of ‘em.”
I first heard the duck story about a year ago, as a rabbit going into a butcher’s shop and asking “Have you got any carrots?”____I think it works better that way than with a duck.
Does anyone know the rest of the joke that ends ……I don’t know but it’s eating my popcorn.??? Thanks Mary
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