Now They Don’t Want Nuclear Material?

Introducing our latest weapon: Zionist Death Cigs TM

An Iranian official says cigarettes smuggled into Iran have been tainted with pig blood and nuclear material as part of a Western conspiracy.

The semiofficial Mehr news agency quotes Mohammad Reza Madani from the Society for Fighting Smoking as saying contraband Marlboros have been contaminated with pig hemoglobin and unspecified nuclear material.

Madani claims Philip Morris International, which sells Marlboro outside the US, is “led by Zionists” and deliberately exports tainted cigarettes.

He provided no evidence or information about the confiscated cigarettes.

Friday’s report also gave no details on how the contamination was discovered.

Tehran, which often alleges Western conspiracies, says 20 billion cigarettes are smuggled into Iran every year.

I can’t wait to see the warning stickers in Iran. Probably something like this:

Iranian cigarette warning

Meanwhile, what can I say? The Iranians are on to us, although in fairness, one of our agents got sloppy a few years ago.

Not to mention the subtle clues we leave with every packet: If you turn them upside down and then read backwards, you will make out the word “orobl (horrible) Jew.”

orobljew

10 thoughts on “Now They Don’t Want Nuclear Material?”

  1. The pig's blood in the cigarettes should be the least of their worries. But, hey, puff away. Life's a holiday in the Islamic Republic of Iran. What's a little pig's blood to get in the way of a really good time?

    1. Michael Zvi Krumbein

      Compared to most of the Arab world, life probably is a holiday in the Islamic Republic. Of course, the Shah was better, but a certain part of the American political spectrum that shall remain nameless told us not to back relatively decent friendly authoritarian regimes – and that's what you get!

  2. Is there anyway to stop getting a call from stranger around 1am or 2am almost everyday? I don't like to get up because of a crazy Arab man making the same wrong call.

    Here is his phone number. I'm just looking someone to stop him calling a complete stranger after midnight. The guy uses both two numbers and kept calling me.

    +20 0121444869
    +20 0193114952

    1. Look into getting a phone with a ringer that can be turned off. However, do not forget to turn it on in the morning.

      You may consider getting an airhorn (Ask any convenient boater as to where they may be purchased.) They do have the possibilty of causing ear damage.

      Another procedure that I have used, after several wrong numbers were dialed and a certain "John" was asked for, I replied "Havent you heard? The police picked him up this morning.".

  3. Michael Zvi Krumbein

    Reminds me when they were complaining about Merit, I think it was, because the cigarette filter left a six-pointed-star-shaped mark. This was decades ago. Art Buchwald wrote a column about how the CIA was trying the same thing, but it was hard to get all of those stars spqueezed in there.

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