Hi, I’m Zionist Shark

Hi, I’m Zionist Shark. You may remember me from such social media outlets as my @ZionistShark Twitter account, and my Jumping the Zionist Shark blog.

Hi, I'm Troy McClure

Recently, Aussie Dave asked if I would like to contribute as a poster on Israellycool. And by gum, it took less time for me to accept his offer than it takes for a rocket to fly from the concentration camp-y shores of Gaza, to the settlement of Ashdod. I’ve been an avid reader of Israellycool for several years now, and I am deeply honored to write for such a pioneering pro-Israel blog.

Due to the tenacious sleuthing of the Sharm-El Sheikh tourism industry, I’ve been outed as a Zionist Death Shark™ for almost exactly a year, now. But even before being on the payroll of the Evil Zionist Mossad, I was gainfully employed as an Evil Zionist for years:

  • As a teenager, I was a counselor at an Evil Zionist summer camp.
  • After graduating from college, I served as a Lone Soldier in the Evil Zionist IDF, as a tank gunner in the Armored Corps.
  • I worked for the Friends of the IDF, supporting the humanitarian, social, recreational & educational needs of Israel’s Evil Zionist citizen-soldiers.
  • I worked for Evil Jooooo Zionist AIPAC, pulling the marionette strings behind the press, the banks, Hollywood, Congress… whoops! I’ve said too much.

Today, in addition to my ‘real’ job, I teach Jewish middle and high-schoolers about Israel at my local, twice-weekly Hebrew School. We are living in a time of profound moral inversion regarding Israel, an especially troubling manifestation of which is the narcissistic preening of pathetically misguided Jews who perversely think that by attacking Israel, they are on the side of the angels.

Morons.

I see it as part of my mission as a Jewish educator that I not only talk about what a wonderful country Israel is (warts and all), but also that I give my students enough of a factual, historical foundation regarding the Arab-Israeli conflict so as to better prepare them to withstand the fallacious, putrid tsunami of anti-Israel propaganda that awaits them on college campuses, if not sooner.

In teaching them to be both proud of and informed about (I encourage the kids never to leave a question unasked, and to challenge every assertion I make, so they can judge for themselves whether there is substance to my words) Israel, my goal is to help them avoid joining the shameful ranks of foolish, ignorant, vitriol-infused, self-important DoucheBlogging™ Jews when they grow up.

And maybe the next time the Israeli government tries to get some of its million citizens living abroad to come home, my former students will be among those able to distinguish between mountain and molehill, between tempest and teapot.

In closing, in the immortal words of Crash Davis in Bull Durham, as he taught young Ebby Calvin ‘Nuke’ LaLoosh the subtle art of interview clichés…

“I’m just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ballclub.”

“I just want to give it my best shot, and the good Lord willing, things will work out.”

 

Note: The shark picture at the top of this post was created by gravitational; a member of AboveTopSecret.com, in the Mossad shark attacks- exclusive picture ! message thread.

About Zionist Shark

Zionist Shark (not his real name) is just your average evil Zionist Shark, exposing the moral imbecility of the anti-Israel feeding frenzy. He also shares his short-form Zionist rantings on Twitter - @ZionistShark

comments

  • Seth

    Happy to have more high quality content on Israellycool!

    • http://jumpingthezionistshark.wordpress.com/ Zionist Shark

      Thanks!

  • Jim from Iowa

    Dear Zionist Shark (of Death):

    Thanks for sharing some of the details of your service to the Zionist Entity. But I want to know if it’s true that the Mossad has attached frickin’ “laser beams” to your head so you could zap hapless Palestinians while they innocently enjoy their coastal waters as is their right as the indigenous people of the land.

    • http://jumpingthezionistshark.wordpress.com/ Zionist Shark

      whoa whoa whoa……. *uses inside voice* ix-nay on the aser-lay. It’s still assified-clay…………………………. but yes.

    • z303

      Sharks with laser beams. That sounds familiar, but I can’t place it. Who did that one?

  • ziontruth

    “Shark still looks fake,” said Marty McFly. Not fake enough to prevent him screaming in fear and putting hands over head in a futile attempt to avoid its gnashing teeth.

  • walt kovacs

    need to get the rest of the zionist menagerie here

    the new zionist zoo review

  • http://www.israellycool.com/author/brianoflondon/ Brian of London

    WELCOME TO THE CLUB. I’VE ALWAYS FOUND IT NECESSARY TO SHOUT WHEN ADDRESSING FORMER TANK GUNNERS. HELLO. SHALOM. BROCHIM HABAYIM!

    • soloman4israel

      your only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.

    • z303

      In my youth, the Hesder (joint Yeshiva-army program) students tended to be in armor. Of course, they’re used to shouting.

  • Shy Guy

    I don’t mind you here, as long as Dave doesn’t split down the home page into 3 columns. :)

    Sharks aren’t kosher but its more consoling than what I would have gone by had I been a blogger: Zionist Shrimp.

  • http://jumpingthezionistshark.wordpress.com/ Zionist Shark

    ziontruth – not a fan of Back to the Future 2 (Electric Boogaloo), yet the comment works in context. 8)

    walt – I know, right? Of course, with all of the deranged conspiracy theories, the menagerie is growing ever larger.

    Brian – Thanks for the welcome. We used to have a similar joke in Shiryon. When someone said something we didn’t hear, we’d say, “LO SHOMEA! ANI TANKIST!” (for non-Hebrew speakers, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I’M A TANKER!”)

    Shy Guy – 8) I’ll just wait my turn in line for the big-boy column.

  • Jim from Iowa

    I have to admit I find Zionist Shark strangely compelling. Perhaps it’s his mysterious origins or his unique ability to type with his flippers. I feel I need to know more about Zionist Shark. Is there perhaps something on Tumblr or Facebook which might satisfy my curiosity?

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