Reader Post: Term Limits


helen thomasThat the main stream mediocrity has a strong anti-Israel bias is disgustingly obvious. Part of the problem lies in a propensity to completely ignore any facts which contradict the view that Israel is the sole obstacle to peace in the Middle East. However, the reporter, writers, and raggers are further hampered by a vocabulary which lacks appropriate terms to cover events in the region from the Israeli perspective.

Some of the following terms, if used and explained correctly, could speak volumes to clarify misconceptions and garner tangible support for Israel from world leaders and policymakers.

The following terms demonstrate how the news can be reported Jewdiciously.

  • DEMAGOGUE – A Liberal politician who makes frequent campaign appearances at shuls in order to express his intentions about issues of concern to Jewish voters. He/she stress his/her pro-Israel views so that we can be prepared for a complete reversal of his position if, G-d forbid, he/she wins the next election.
  • BROOMSTICK BRIGADE – This is the activist arm of the Helen Thomas Fan Club. Led by the three witches of MacBethlem, Zoabi, Pillay and Clinton, the group’s mission is to keep stirring the pot of poisonous propaganda.

Israel is renowned for outstanding medial advancements and compassionate care. This is undoubtedly why so many Palestonians prefer to seek treatment in Israeli hospitals. Of course, they also find it extremely reassuring that Israel actually uses hospitals to provide health care, as opposed to weapons storage facilities. A few medical terms are needed to correctly reflect the ill-will with which Israel is treated.

  • BLOCKADE – a chronic, kvetchy condition caused by the supposed sufferers being excrementally-challenged.
  • PROCTOLOGISTS – specialists who are constantly attempting to cure Ham-ass (Their services are not covered by Obamacare due to pre-existing preconditions).
  • CAIROPRACTORS – spin doctors who naively expect that a few adjustments will solve a recurring pain in the buttinsky

In the ”Mind your own business” category, there is more than the usual BDS b.s. The Pope, following his visit to Israel, during which he succeeded in his mission of inconveniencing and offending as many Jews as he could, will be launching a new Vatican venture. He feels this is much more practical than addressing the wholesale slaughter of Christians by Muslims. Coming soon to Noch A Mall is:

  • GONIFS R US – a retail outlet offering stolen Jewish treasures at bargain basement prices.

Don’t expect to see fair news coverage anytime soon. These terms are a limiting liability for the permanent pressers who despise the Iron Dome.

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