Of course, this nice interview is too much for some to bear:

This coming from someone who knows next to nothing about Judaism.

A photo of the "Mossad agent"

An Israeli couple who came to the city on March 3, 2010, will be deported for “suspicious activities”. Shneor Zalman and Yaffa Shenoi came on a multiple-entry visa and rented a house on Rose Street, Fort Kochi, for Rs 50,000 per month, far higher than the market rate.

“Central intelligence got an alert about a covert operation being carried out by suspected Israeli agents after the 26/11 terror attacks in which south Mumbai’s Chabad House came under attack and six Jews, including a Rabbi and his pregnant wife, were killed. A communication was sent to all states and it was our wing in Kerala that traced this couple at Fort Kochi,” an intelligence officer here said.

Indian agencies will question two suspected Israeli agents before they are deported. “We have traced the couple’s financial transactions. Preliminary investigations suggest similar Israelis are camping in various parts of the country,” an official said.

Duo were under lens

In their report, the state intelligence department said a group of people turned up at the couple’s rented house regularly and held meetings.

“These meetings lasted for hours in the night. They were under close surveillance”.

The deportation order was slapped on Zalman and Shenoi last Monday after undercover Kerala Police officers tracked them for a year, questioned them and filed a report to Ernakulam collector P I Sheik Pareeth.

Shneor Zalman, born on September 2, 1984, and Yaffa Shenoi, born on January 27, 1988, entered the country on multiple-entry visas (one of them being AP 2569691). While Zalman’s passport number is 13143659, Shenoi’s is 11665711.

Fort Kochi is a major hub for foreign tourists next to the neighbourhood of Mattancherry, famous for its Jew Town. This is the historical part of town where Jews set up their first trading outpost centuries ago and built the country’s oldest synagogue in 1568.

“A monthly rent of Rs 50,000 is disproportionately high, even in Fort Kochi. This is one of the main factors that made us suspicious,” the intelligence source said. “They have been in the country from March 3, 2010. When their visas expired on March 3 last year, they went out and returned on April 1, 2011 on a new visa.”

When I first read this, I thought it was a sick joke. The Chabad movement has a lot of money and the willingness to spend it to help bring Jews back in the fold. Meetings lasting in to the night would more likely be shiurim or Torah learning sessions. Nothing here smacks of Mossad.

This is of course what Rabbi Shneor Zalman claims. 

Rabbi Shneor Zalman and Yaffa Sheina Bernstein said they were stunned by a story run by the Times of India in which unnamed Indian security officials said they were secret Israeli agents that would soon be deported from the country.

“I was invited here by the Jewish community of Kochi with the full knowledge of local authorities,” said Zalman, a 27-year-old rabbi from Jerusalem. “I have no idea how they got the impression I was part of a Mossad operation.”

He said he and Yaffa Sheina ran an outreach center catering to Jewish travelers in the popular tourist destination as well as to the city’s remaining 50 Jews, part of a once much larger community whose origins date back to the 16th century. Zalman insisted their sole motivation for being in the country was to provide religious services to local members of the Jewish community and had nothing to do with Israel.

 Meanwhile, I received this further information via email:

This relates to a deportation order issued by the District Collector, Ernakulam to Zalman and Shendi Bernstein, who have been living in Cochin, India for the past year and serving as Rabbi at the Cochin Synagogue in Mattancherry. Apparently, the District Collector – the topmost government official in the district – was acting on the report filed by The Foreigners Registration Officer and Deputy Commissioner of Police (Administration & Crimes), Kochi City. The reason cited for the deportation is that they had organized religious activities related to the “Religious Life & belief” at a Synagogue in Mattancherry. The order goes on to state that since there is no special endorsement in their entry visas to do such activities in India, the Foreigners Registration Officer etc.etc. cited above has recommended issuance of a “Quit India” order.

For the uninitiated, the couple in question were granted visas specifically on the request of the tiny Jewish community in Cochin since they have found it had to organize religious services on their own due to the drastic fall in numbers (The entire Jewish community in Kerala now number not more than 20!) The letter requesting the issue of visa to the couple and addressed to the Indian Ambassador in Israel and issued by the Trustees of the Synagogue in Cochin had specifically cited the inability of the community to continue with their religious life here due to the sorry state of their numbers and consequently, the couple were granted visas on two successive years on the same grounds.

While the official account of the events remains thus, there are quite a few “leaks” given to news outlets which paint something entirely different. Malayala Manorama Daily (Kochi Edition), one of the largest selling newspapers in Malayalam – the vernacular language, on the 8th of February 2012 carried a report, which while sticking to the official version, stated in the penultimate and final paragraphs (a rough translation of the same would read as) follows :-

“They have been accused of indulging in witchcraft at their homestay in Fort Nagar, where they used to reside previously.

However, the police refused to confirm the complaints to such effect.”

On 9th February 2012, the same newspaper cited above carried the news of a press release by Mohammed Rejib, State Secretary of the People’s Democratic Party(PDP) – a Salafist Party whose leadership has been accused of terrorist
links in the past and whose current Chairman is currently in a Bangalore Jail facing charges of terrorism. In the press release he asked for a “comprehensive enquiry into the activities” of the couple.

At the same time the reports coming out in other news outlets were even more fantastic.”The Hindu” – a nationwide daily in India – carried the following report:
http://www.thehindu.com/news/states/kerala/article2872561.ece

A small website reported the same story as thus:
http://indiawires.com/7605/news/national/kerala-suspected-spy-couple-from-israel-to-be-deported/

While all this may be attributed to the press running wild with it’s imagination, the sad fact is that Zalman Bernstein and his wife have been ordered out of the country for organizing religious services, the original purpose for which the Synagogue sent him an invitation in the first place. The irony is even more palpable when you come to note that couple were charged with the “crime”, a “trial” was held and a “verdict” was handed out, all without any notice ever being served on the them. Furthermore, the sad fact remains that neither the Synagogue, where the high crime of holding a religious service was
committed, nor it’s office bearers, were not notified of such charges, at any point in time.

The only recourse open to the couple is to file an application before the Collector who has issued the order (The Collector is currently on a personal visit to the US and is not expected to be back for another 5 days. In the meanwhile, his official charge has been handed over to a deputy who is unlikely to take any action in this regard, the bureaucracy in India being what it is. If you happen to be a journalist in the vicinity of Chicago, it would be point of interest to note that the person in question is due to visit a certain facility there as reported in the Deccan Chronicle newspaper
http://www.deccanchronicle.com/channels/cities/kochi/collector-study-us-waste-treatment-tech-626)

The only other option open to the couple – the filing of a Writ of Mandamus in the High Court of the State – is a stiff challenge, since the couple being foreigners will have a tough time proving that they are eligible for the right of due process, open to the citizens of India.

I request you to forward this to your friends/relatives/colleagues so as to generate as much interest as can be done, so that this story will be picked up by the media and the facts of the matter can be brought to light; so that not only the couple, but the entire Jewish community of Cochin can be cleared of the asinine charges levelled against them.

Please help spread the word.

Now comes news that Hollywood actress Drew Barrymore  is considering converting to Judaism (hat tip: Brian of London).

"ET..phone home. Failing that, please send an SMS. You know I tend to worry when I don't hear back from you, maidele"

If the Web buzz is to be believed, Drew Barrymore, the pigtailed ET princess turned Hollywood bad girl turned heavyweight producer and megawatt star, is set to take on a new role: that of a Jew.

According to several gossip sites, including PerezHilton.com and Zap2it.com, Barrymore was planning to convert to Judaism in order to marry her fiance, art consultant Will Kopelman. Her hubby-to-be is the son of former Chanel CEO Arie Kopelman.

Web blogger Perez Hilton, AKA Mario Lavanderia, reported Thursday that Barrymore has even reached out to a very famous Jewish face for some guidance — “Hannukah Song” funny-man Adam Sandler.

“He’s even helping her with the process of converting to Judaism. Those two absolutely adore each other, so it only made sense to Drew that he will be right by her side playing an important role at her wedding,” a source quoted on Hilton’s blog said.

Barrymore’s ring finger has seen its share of diamonds; her engagement to Kopelman marks the fifth time she has said “yes.” She was first engaged, and then married, to Leland Hayward at the age of 16. After that relationship dissolved a few months later, she married bartender Jeremy Thomas, divorcing him after only two months.

In 2001, she married comedian Tom Green, but that relationship also ended in divorce within a matter of months. From 2002-2007, Barrymore was hot and heavy with The Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti, and after they split, she was in a highly-public pairing with Justin Long, which was on and off for a period of two years.

Barrymore began dating Kopelman about a year ago, and they announced their engagement earlier this month.

Barrymore already has one Jewish relative to turn to for support throughout her conversion process: her godfather, Steven Spielberg.

Who knows? Perhaps in over 13 years, the below scene will play out for real.

Heh (or should that be Cheh?)

Note: Avi Lieberman, the Sabbath-observing Jew in this video, is a real mensch. For the past 10 years, he has been arranging Comedy For Koby, a stand-up comedy tour in Israel to help boost morale while donating the proceeds to the Koby Mandell Foundation.

Update: And now for my favorite ever look at Shabbos (language warning)

Hat tip: Harry