Muhammad Al-Mane’i, Sinai Bedouin: There was a time when they would bring us jeans. These pants used to have belts. If you looked at these belts from the front, you’d find a secret compartment, and when you opened it, you would find a magnet inside. When we asked what these magnets were, we were told that they cause sterility.

Interviewer: In other words, it causes infertility.

Muhammad Al-Mane’i: Exactly.

Interviewer: There was a time when these jeans with belts would invade us from Israel, and we used to take the magnets out and chuck them away.

[…]

Interviewer: Israeli products contain lethal poison. You might not feel this poison now, but you will in the future. Israel will remain an enemy lying in wait for Egypt, no matter what happens and regardless of the agreements, because Israel has its eye set on Egypt.

What the Bedouin fails to realize is how Zionist Death Jeans^TM are even more lethal in combination with Zionist Sex Gum.^TM

In any event, I think you’ll agree jeans that not only have the ability to cause infertility, but also the ability to invade people, are pretty impressive.

Diabolical!

Dozens of #Egyptians dead after soccer-related clashes in #PortSaid & #Cairo. Countdown to blaming the #Zionists in 3…2…

— Zionist Shark (@ZionistShark) February 1, 2012

The very next day, Elder of Ziyon and MEMRI were kind enough to show everyone that Zionist Shark is not only Zionist, but also clairvoyant.

EoZ: Egyptian MP blames soccer deaths on – well, you know who.

Aww yeah! I win the Irrational, Conspiracist, Blame-the-Zionists-for-What-Ails-Your-Country-Internally pool! W00t!

Who has 12 fins (most sharks have 8, but my crafty, clever, evil Zionist overlords engineered 4 secret ones) and called it as it was unfolding?

THIS shark!

Of course, I’m probably tooting my horn a little much here. After all, this kind of thing happens so often, it was really low-hanging fruit, wasn’t it?

Anyhoo…since you’re already here and all, wanna play Spot the Evil Zionist with me?

Do you see any Zionists here?
Here?How ’bout here?

Snake dies from baby’s bite

Infant who bit head off reptile winds up unscathed; ‘I screamed until neighbors came,’ horrified mom says

Maor Buchnik and Aviel Magnezi

An encounter between a snake and a baby ended in a surprising outcome Thursday, when the infant’s mother walked into his room to find him chewing on the dead reptile.

The infant, Imad Gadir, whose family resides in Shfaram, was not hurt when he bit the unlucky coin snake, but was taken to Haifa’s Ramabam Medical Center, just in case.

According to Imad’s grandfather, Shaheen Shaheen, who recalled the family’s tumultuous morning, the boy woke up when his father left for work at 6:30 am. The 1-year-old left his parents’ bed and headed to his room, where he found the 35-centimeter (13-inch) snake. He then grabbed it and bit its head off.

Imad, his father and the bitten snake (Photo: Maor Buchnik)

“It wasn’t a pretty sight,” Shaheen said. “He’s a baby, he didn’t know what he was doing. He thought it was a game. I don’t wish this kind of thing on anyone.”

When Imad’s mother realized what had happened she began screaming, until a neighbor jumped the house’s fence, entered the room and snatched the snake out of the boy’s hand.

“I went to the kitchen to get him some milk, and when I came back I saw he was already eating,” the mother, Alain, said. “I screamed until the neighbors came. I still can’t believe what I saw.”

Veteran snake-catcher Eli Cohen said he has never come across a case of this kind.” I guess the kid acted out of a childish instinct when he put the snake in his mouth,” he said. “Luckily for him, the coin snake isn’t poisonous, otherwise it could have ended in a tragedy.”Eli Cohen, the owner of a pest control company, estimated that the snake was three years old, and said that his bite often hurts but is not dangerous to anyone who isn’t allergic to it. He said that this type of reptile chokes his prey. “If it was a bigger snake, the boy could have been strangled.”

Imad’s just chillin’, trying to wait patiently for his mom to bring him him milk, but then he saw a snake and couldn’t help himself. So he started his meal a little early…LIKE A BOSS.

How awesome is it that our latest weapon is an Arab baby from an Israeli Arab village in the Galilee? And with Israeli flags in the background, no less.

While Hamas and the Palestinian Authority teach their kids to see Israelis & Jews as demonic and inhuman, we teach our young to bite the heads off snakes. No big deal.

Yeah, evil Zionists are so great; they get so much done in a day.

As I was shopping with my family a few weeks ago, my wife was looking for some boots. I helped her look (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and found a pair of North Face beauties that really spoke to the Evil Zionist in me.

And wouldn’t ya know it, these aren’t even the first of their kind, as these Evil Zionist Vans will attest:

As I was about to his the publish button, I thought I’d do a little Google Image search, and found this:

Truth be told, though, I think these are a little on the nose, don’t you? I prefer a more sneaky, stealthy, world-dominatey brand of Zionism, symbolized (literally) by putting the Magen David on the soles.

They’ll lay up baskets, lay your women, and execute their well laid plans..before reporting back to Mossad headquarters!

Hezbollah’s mouthpiece Al-Manar TV aired a report criticizing Lebanese authorities for allowing eight foreign basketball players who had previously played in Israel to play for teams in Lebanon. One of the players, Sam Hoskin, plays for Lebanon’s national team. Hoskin, an American, previously played for Israeli basketball club Hapoel Galil-Elyon.

Abd el-Malek Sachriya, who heads an organization promoting legislation aimed at boycotting Israel, told Al-Manar’s website that Lebanese authorities are responsible for the “scandal” in which Hoskin was allowed to become a citizen of the Arab country.

He said Lebanon was “half-asleep” and wondered “how can it be that eight players who have played in the Zionist entity come to play in Lebanon – and one of them is even granted citizenship – without anyone knowing who they really are?”

Sachriya said he would meet the Lebanese sports minister next week to discuss the matter. “Any player who entered the Zionist entity and came to Lebanon must be expelled immediately,” he said.

“Players who came from Israel may have been recruited by Mossad – this is a danger to national security,” Sachriya continued. “As we know, the enemy uses all the means at its disposal to achieve its goals and harm the Lebanese resistance.”

Among the players mentioned in the report were ex-Macabbi Tel Aviv forward Rodney Buford; Alpha Bangoura, who played for Givat Shmuel; former Ramat Hasharon player Derek Trevor; John Thomas (what a great name for a basketballer – Aussie Dave) and Tony Dawson, who was Israel’s leading scorer during the 1991-92 season when he played for Betar Tel Aviv.

Dickie Sliverstein adds: Thanks for beating me to my post, you moral pygmy.

VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE FROM A VERY IMPORTANT COLUMNIST FROM A VERY IMPORTANT NEWSPAPER: According to Tom Friedman, it turns out that the Israel Lobby didn’t buy and pay for these crop circles after all; they merely “engineered” them. Which makes perfect sense, what with all the engineering that goes into creating these suckers.

So to clarify, Tom , when you say “engineered”, is there a particular kind of engineer on whom you’re basing your comparison?

For example, before his cellphone-delivered death was ‘engineered’ by Israel, Hamas operative/bombmaker Yahya Ayyash’s nickname was ‘The Engineer’. And along with fellow terrorists like Dalal Mughrabi and Amna Muna, Ayyash is still being lionized by the ‘moderate’ Palestinian leadership, as recently as last year. Is that the kind of engineering you’re talking about?

Or were you referring to The Engineer character from the Team Fortress 2 video game?

Like that kind of “engineered”, Tom? Well, let me just check out this video and…….hey, not too shabby.

This Engineer fellow strikes me as a friendly, guitar-playing kind of guy. Freakin’ sweet! Thanks, Tom! This’ll totally help undo some of the damage from your ‘accidental’ use of classic Jew-hatey imagery!

Of course, if you watch the video, that engineer is pretty crafty, devious, and ingenious with the killing machines, which is also a part of the paranoid, conspiracist, Jew-hatey meme, which…gets us back to square one with that original Congress-controlling garbage you wrote.

So thanks for that clarification, Tom. This is so much better……I guess.

Today, they uncovered our insidious plot to fire rockets at ourselves. 

REUTERS/Ammar Awad

Lebanese Defense Minister Fayez Ghosn Monday blamed Israel and its agents for the firing of mysterious rockets from Lebanon into the Jewish state in an attempt to undermine security and stability in south Lebanon.“The party that has launched mysterious rockets from the south is known,” Ghosn told The Daily Star by telephone, in a clear reference to Israel and its agents. However, he did not elaborate.

“Lebanon’s enemies, namely Israel, have no interest in the continuation of calm and stability in the south,” he said.

Dickie Sliverstein adds: I knew it!

This feat of shadowy, stealth Zionism is all the more impressive, given the Alhambra-inspired Moorish architectural style of the posh outdoor mall in Orange County.

This feat is not quite as impressive as the Google Earth-revealed Magen David on the Iran Air building in Tehran…

…or Judaizing the dome in Tehran’s Revolution Square…

…but still, kudos, omnipotent Israel Lobby! Can’t wait to see what you buy and pay for next!

(h/t Matthew Ackerman)

Hi, I’m Zionist Shark. You may remember me from such social media outlets as my @ZionistShark Twitter account, and my Jumping the Zionist Shark blog.

Hi, I'm Troy McClure

Recently, Aussie Dave asked if I would like to contribute as a poster on Israellycool. And by gum, it took less time for me to accept his offer than it takes for a rocket to fly from the concentration camp-y shores of Gaza, to the settlement of Ashdod. I’ve been an avid reader of Israellycool for several years now, and I am deeply honored to write for such a pioneering pro-Israel blog.

Due to the tenacious sleuthing of the Sharm-El Sheikh tourism industry, I’ve been outed as a Zionist Death Shark™ for almost exactly a year, now. But even before being on the payroll of the Evil Zionist Mossad, I was gainfully employed as an Evil Zionist for years:

• As a teenager, I was a counselor at an Evil Zionist summer camp.
• After graduating from college, I served as a Lone Soldier in the Evil Zionist IDF, as a tank gunner in the Armored Corps.
• I worked for the Friends of the IDF, supporting the humanitarian, social, recreational & educational needs of Israel’s Evil Zionist citizen-soldiers.
• I worked for Evil Jooooo Zionist AIPAC, pulling the marionette strings behind the press, the banks, Hollywood, Congress… whoops! I’ve said too much.

Today, in addition to my ‘real’ job, I teach Jewish middle and high-schoolers about Israel at my local, twice-weekly Hebrew School. We are living in a time of profound moral inversion regarding Israel, an especially troubling manifestation of which is the narcissistic preening of pathetically misguided Jews who perversely think that by attacking Israel, they are on the side of the angels.

Morons.

I see it as part of my mission as a Jewish educator that I not only talk about what a wonderful country Israel is (warts and all), but also that I give my students enough of a factual, historical foundation regarding the Arab-Israeli conflict so as to better prepare them to withstand the fallacious, putrid tsunami of anti-Israel propaganda that awaits them on college campuses, if not sooner.

In teaching them to be both proud of and informed about (I encourage the kids never to leave a question unasked, and to challenge every assertion I make, so they can judge for themselves whether there is substance to my words) Israel, my goal is to help them avoid joining the shameful ranks of foolish, ignorant, vitriol-infused, self-important DoucheBlogging™ Jews when they grow up.

And maybe the next time the Israeli government tries to get some of its million citizens living abroad to come home, my former students will be among those able to distinguish between mountain and molehill, between tempest and teapot.

In closing, in the immortal words of Crash Davis in Bull Durham, as he taught young Ebby Calvin ‘Nuke’ LaLoosh the subtle art of interview clichés…

“I’m just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ballclub.”

“I just want to give it my best shot, and the good Lord willing, things will work out.”

Note: The shark picture at the top of this post was created by gravitational; a member of AboveTopSecret.com, in the Mossad shark attacks- exclusive picture ! message thread.

Khaled,” a young man of 26, is sitting now in prison, on charges of treason and collaboration with hostile parties, and may be sentenced to death…

I lived in a regular family environment. Like many people here, one of my friends taught me how to use the Internet and research methods – I wish he never taught me that … I used the Internet to search for vice and pornography sites … And sit for long hours in front of the computer… I kept a lot of porn sites and shared them among my friends and acquaintances; I was nicknamed the “King of pornographic sites.” Many of my friends would trying to get video clips … And I would give them free of charge…

Soon I began to feel bored and wanted to find a new way to satisfy my desires, so I started to learn how to chat, not any chat but the pornography chat … I bought a camera and mike in order to enter these sites and I was not sensitive to anything, and begun to recognize the girls and talk to them directly to video and audio … One of the girls was called “JUNIEN” and chose to be my friend …I began to sit with her ​​for more than four hours a day in front of the camera .. “JUNIEN” said she lives in “Haifa” and was 22-years-old , and she likes pornography … our relationship had continued for more than 4 days, and she asked me to take off my clothes and I imagine her in front of the camera doing so as well … I did not hesitate much before the request and did what she asked me … …She asked for my mobile phone number … I gave it her and she actually started calling me and talking in a way quite pornographic … A few days later called me and told me that the director in the company which manages the pornography site will call me to coordinate a meeting with me … so I was pleased and waited contact and he actually called me …

He was disrespectful to me, laughing and telling me about some of the footage that I made ​​in front of the camera and I’m naked, and told me that he will post it and it will bring many visitors and viewers … I refused so strongly … And here began the bargaining. He said to me, and I quote: “You are an Arab looking for pornography, and I need intelligence information on terrorists” … I was struck by this sentence did not know what to do and closed the phone directly … He contacted me again and said to me, “Khaled, We know a lot about you” …. He began to recall information about me and my family and my friends and my place of residence and some details of my life … much to my surprise. He continued, “We do not want serious information from you … You live in a border area and know that the terrorists come to shoot the rocket fire on us and this causes the killing of innocent people … We want only when you see anyone approaching the area that you call me directly and we will take care of them “. .

I told him immediately, “You want me to become a spy” … He was laughing and said “no .. you help us all and protect your family and friends of these terrorists,” I answered him: “Find someone else, I will not be a spy”, there was more laughing and he said “I will take you over” JUNIEN, “and I will post your video in half an hour” .. . Then I surrendered to him and told him will contact you … then I could not find “JUNIEN,” and I discovered that I became an agent and I can not go back …

I started to contact an officer of intelligence with the nickname “Abu Musa,” and told him about a movement of resistance fighters in the region, and I noticed “drone” reconnaissance planes at the same time … I continued like this for more than 3 years and he was communicating with me always has sent me some money and an Orange chip… In a few days I called “Abu Musa,” to tell him about people about to launch a rocket .. And moments later I heard a big explosion and knew then that it was from them targeting the insurgents and the death of a number of them and wounding others .. After this incident I have been arrested and now I reap what planted….

No doubt, the young unsuspecting Khaled got into p0rn as a result of Zionist Sex Gum.^TM

(hat tip: EoZ)