San Diego police said an individual in a Gumby costume attempted to rob a Rancho Penasquitos 7-11 on Monday September 7, at 12:30 a.m. Store surveillance footage shows Gumby entering the 7-Eleven with his hands raised above his head along with another man, described as a white male, somewhere between the ages of 18 and 22 years old standing between 5’6 and 5’8 tall.

Gumby walked up to the cashier and said to the clerk, “This is a robbery,” San Diego police Detective Gary Hassen said. The clerk thought it was a joke and told Gumby that he had to go back to cleaning. Gumby insisted that the robbery was real and proceeded to reach into his Gumby-like pockets as if he were looking for a weapon, of which was never produced. The Gumby costume impeded his efforts to reach into his pockets and after fumbling around for several minutes, Gumby gave up his efforts and walked out of the store after dropping 26 cents out of his pocket. Gumby’s accomplice had already left the convenience store and was outside waiting in the outside parking lot, inside a silver/white mini van, honking the horn at him. The clerk originally thought it was some sort of prank, reporting it later at 6 a.m. when the 7-11 manager came in.

The costume chosen in the attempted robbery, Gumby, was originally the lead character in the television series, also named Gumby, which ran from 1955-1989 and produced 233 episodes. The show was created byArthur “Art” Clokey and his wife, both of whom created the character during his time as a student of University of Southern California. Clokey passed away in 2010 at the age of 88.

A $1,000 reward is being offered for information leading to Gumby’s arrest. Police say both men could face felony charges of attempted robbery if apprehended. If you have any tips, they can be given anonymously at www.sdcrimestoppers.com or by calling 888-580-8477

Gumby!

He was once a little green slab of clay. Gumby!
You should see what Gumby can do today. Gumby!
He can walk into any book convenience store, with his pony criminal pal Pokey, too.
If you‘ve got a heart want a laugh then Gumby’s a part of you.

Answer is here.

At least he has broken some stereotypes. After all, you wouldn’t have expected mortgage fraud to be his fraud of choice.

Consider it a lemon squash.

A woman weighing 136kg has pleaded guilty to killing her much smaller boyfriend – by sitting on him.

Police in Cleveland said Mia Landingham and Mikal Middleston-Bey, who have three children together, got into an argument in August.

During the altercation Landingham sat on Middleston-Bey, who weighed 54.4kg.

Landingham was sentenced to three years probation and 100 hours community service on Wednesday after pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter, Fox8 reported.

She was immediately released from jail.

Her attorney told said there was a long history of domestic abuse in the relationship.

I am sure there was – by the woman. I mean, how could her boyfriend have abused her? By biting her toes?

Meanwhile, here’s one of my favorite lines to a crime report in recent times.

Landingham said she was sorry for squashing the father of her children.

Followed by perhaps my second favorite.

“So basically you can say that I can go sit on somebody and get probation?” said one of the victim’s sisters.

Update: I perhaps spoke too soon about my favorite line to a crime report. A new contender has emerged.

“I’m a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me.”

On one hand, I pride myself on not shying away from hard-to-handle topics, rather than just blogging about stories that conform to my own pro-Judaism and pro-Israel agenda.

On the other hand, where to start?

It has to be said: These men are worse than common thugs and criminals because they have not only committed vile acts. They have also desecrated G-d’s name and emboldened anti-Semites everywhere.

I could rant and rave about this for much longer, but in times like this, I find that humor soothes the soul. I can’t take credit for this next piece, but it’s too good not to post.

Top Ten Signs Your Rabbi was Recently Indicted

10  Suddenly takes on minhag to wear hat on face
9    Synagogue Charity Auction now includes “Kidney”
8    Unless you work in criminal defense, you ain’t getting Shlishi
7   Rebbetzin is suddenly on Jdate
6   Afternoon Halacha Shiur now entitled: “Ankle Monitors on Shabbat”
5   Will be spending the rest of the summer “upstate”
4   Sermon comes in form of an Affadavit
3   Keeps tying everything to an obscure “Josef in Jail” metaphor
2   Pretty sure he just referred to Bernie Madoff as “Shlita”
1   He’s still wearing Black & White, only this time, it’s all stripes

Meanwhile, this woman was never in the running.

Palestinian police in Ramallah arrested a man on Monday they said was a member of an armed gang that stole a large sum of cash at gunpoint from another man.

Police said the gang stole 99,000 US dollars from the man, who said he was planning to purchase a bulldozer with the money. The robbery victim notified the police on Monday, who located one of the suspected perpetrators.

Which begs the question: what did the victim want with a bulldozer?

Customs seizes tons of expired animal therapy products in Hebron

Palestinian Authority (PA) customs officers said Friday that the department seized five tons of expired drugs and other medical supplies for animals in Hebron.

Commander Wael Anati told Ma’an that officers discovered the expired supplies after raiding the house of a “suspected veterinarian.”

“On the basis of the information that we have from intelligence we broke into the house of the suspected veterinarian and seized quantities of expired animal drugs and forged documents,” he said.

Anati also warned traders not to deal in expired products under penalty of jail terms, and for locals to exercise caution when buying products in the markets.

Which begs the question: what on earth are “animal therapy products?”

Don’t get me wrong. I can fully understand why animals in the PA areas would need therapy. I just didn’t know such products existed, and that there was such a market for them in Hebron.

The irony (?!) is more animals in the PA areas would likely require therapy now that they have to contend with expired therapy products and “suspected veterinarians.”

I guess you learn something new every day, especially from the palestinian news outlets.