As for being a genocidal maniac, he’s real good.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said on Thursday that the state of Israel is a “stinking corpse” that is destined to disappear, the French news agency AFP reported.

“Those who think they can revive the stinking corpse of the usurping and fake Israeli regime by throwing a birthday party are seriously mistaken,” the official IRNA news agency quoted Ahmadinejad as having said.

“Today the reason for the Zionist regime’s existence is questioned, and this regime is on its way to annihilation.”

Ahmadinejad further stated that Israel “has reached the end like a dead rat after being slapped by the Lebanese” – referring to the Second Lebanon War in the summer of 2006.

I’m a bit confused. After all, I can understand how we can simultaneously be a “stinking corpse” and a “dead rat,” assuming the corpse is that of a rat. But how could we also be a “filthy germ” and “cancerous bacterium”?

Then again, us Zionists are mighty tricky.

Iran’s toy market is being inundated by models of Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter and the young must be protected from their harmful cultural effects, the prosecutor general was quoted as saying on Sunday.

“Promoting figures like Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter and the uncontrolled import of CDs of video games and films should alarm all the country’s officials,” Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi was quoted as saying by the student ISNA news agency.

“We need to find substitutes to ward off this onslaught, which aims at children and young people whose personality is in the process of being formed,” he added.

Perhaps they can start with an Iranian police chief doll.*

* batteries and hookers sold separately

Ahmadinejad’s administration began the new Iranian year (on March 20, 2008) with ‎conflicting reports over the reshuffling of the cabinet. In response to reports by the ‎conservative media in Iran that the Minister of the Economy had resigned, government ‎Spokesman Gholamhossein Elham denied the news and called it an April Fool’s joke.

Get it?

Unfortunately for Elham, noone did.

Elham has been under fire since he rejected reports the economy and interior ministers were to be sacked as an “April fool’s joke” before confirming days later they were being asked to step down.

“I voice my readiness to withdraw from all government positions,” said Elham, a key aide of the president, in a letter to Ahmadinejad released by the presidency.

It is not clear if Ahmadinejad would accept his resignation. ‎

Looks like Iran has adopted the palestinian model of resignation processing.

In any event, assuming Ahmadinejad accepts his resignation, I have just the replacement for him.

Well, now it looks like the next time he will be in the same room as 6 naked people, it will likely be the men’s shower room in prison.

Tehran’s police chief, who was in charge of fighting vice, has been taken to jail and his case is currently under investigation, a spokesman for Iran’s judiciary said Tuesday.

But the spokesman, Ali Reza Jamshidi, refused to elaborate further about the case which has caught wide public attention in Iran, saying it is now in the “legal stage.”

And in a development that can only be described as “disturbing”..

Local websites have also extensively reported the case in recent weeks, and some of them reported of the existence of a sex tape depicting the incident.

“Quick, call the police chief.”

“He’s what?”

Tehran’s police chief, Reza Zarei, has been arrested after he was found nude in a local brothel with six naked prostitutes, the Farda news website reported Wednesday.

Zarei stepped down from his post following the raid, the report said. According to another popular Iranian website, Gooya, the order to raid the brothel was given directly by Ayatollah Mahmoud Hashemi Shahroudi, chief of the judicial authorities.

Over the past year Zarei was in charge of enforcing the Islamic dress code on Iranian women with the purpose of “moralizing of the city.”

It is alleged that in the past six months, hundreds of young people have been arrested in Iran for not respecting the Islamic code of behavior.

Rumors of the brothel incident had been spreading in Iran for the past two weeks, and last week Zarei was replaced after four years as chief of police in Tehran.

The arrest was not reported by any of Iran’s official news agencies. Farda News, which broke the story, is a website said to be close to the mayor of Tehran and former chief of the police forces, Mohammed Bagher Qalibaf and is considered reliable.

Sweet.

I feel some limericks coming on..

There once was a man named Zarei

Who was really in quite a hurry

That’s why he shtupped six

Gals who turned tricks

The Mullahs’ favor he better fast curry

There once was a man named Reza

Who was quite the horny geezer

The six whores he had bedded

Will likely get him beheaded

Who does he think he is? Elliot Spitzer?

Iran hit out at the European Union on Tuesday for condemning President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s description of Israel as a “dirty microbe”, saying the bloc had given in to pressure from a Zionist lobby.

The EU’s Slovenian presidency had condemned as “unacceptable, damaging and uncivilised” a stream of anti-Israeli comments from Iranian officials since the murder of a top Hezbollah commander.

“The issuing of such a biased statement by the rotating presidency of the European Union is the result of pressure from the international Zionist lobby,” the Iranian foreign ministry said in a statement.

“World powers have created a black and dirty microbe named the Zionist regime and have unleashed it like a savage animal on the nations of the region,” Ahmadinejad [had] said.

The foreign ministry warned the Slovenian EU presidency “not to fall into the trap of the Zionist lobby.”

Ah, but Iran has already fallen into our Zionist trap, as we force them to publicly make themselves look even dumber than they already had!

Iran’s team has pocketed seven medals during the second day of competitions at the 35th Dutch Open Taekwondo Championships in Eindhoven.

…Alireza Shakouri settled for bronze in the men’s 54-kilo competition after refusing to face a contestant representing the Zionist regime in the semi-finals. Hadi Mosta’an also made the same decision when he came up against an Israeli opponent in the finals and opted for the silver.

In the women’s competitions, Fatima Ne’mati took bronze after losing in a semi-final match against a British practitioner. However, Aitak Me’marzadeh, who could have walked away with the gold, decided not to face her Israeli rival and placed second.

What is noteworthy is that the international sports bodies refuse to penalize Iran for its behavior.

In 2004, an Iranian judo competitor refused to go up against an Israeli opponent in the Olympics, but he purposefully missed his weight so as to have a legitimate excuse to avoid sanctions from the International Judo Federation. Iran rewarded his scam with a $125,000 reward, the same amount it gives its gold medal winners, and then-Tehran mayor “Mahmood Ahmadi Nejad” praised him for his cowardice.

You know, doing things like arresting a man for walking his dog and charging him with “disturbing the public order.”

And by walking his dog, I really mean walking his dog, and not a euphemism for something else.

Although, I’m sure there’s a law against that too.

A 70-year-old Iranian man was arrested and sentenced to four months in jail and 30 lashes for walking his dog, Adnkronos.com reported Tuesday. Police caught the man on the street with his dog in Shahr Rey, a suburb of Tehran.

Owners of domestic animals are forbidden from taking them on the streets of the city because Islam considers dogs to be impure. An Islamic judge later charged the man for “disturbing the public order,” Adnkronos.com reported.

Despite repeated warnings by the police, dog owners continue to defy authorities by taking their dogs outside their homes. Typical punishment for people caught with dogs outside is a fine or the “detention” of their animals in a pound, Adnkronos.com reported.

Mind you, what’s good for the goose, is not good for the gander gorilla.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently provoked debate in Iran about dog ownership when he took possession of four guard dogs, bought in Germany for approximately $161,040 each.

Former Argentinean soccer player Diego Armando Maradona expressed his desire on Monday to visit Iran and meet President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

In a meeting with Iranian Charge d’Affaires to Buenos Aires Mohsen Baharavand, the former soccer player, whose infamous “Hand of God” goal knocked England out of the 1986 World Cup quarterfinal and whose life has been plagued with years of cocaine abuse, presented his autographed T-shirt to the Iranian nation.

“With all my love to Iranian people,” Maradona signed the T-shirt.

Expressing his deep affection for the people of Iran, Maradona, who was thrown out of the 1994 World Cup finals in the US after failing a drugs test, said: “I am with the people of Iran by all my heart, I support them. I say it because I feel it, because I mean it.”

The former player, who is an outspoken critic of US President George W. Bush, told Baharavand that he backs Ahmadinejad’s government.

“I have already met (Cuban President) Fidel (Castro), and (Venezuelan President Hugo) Chavez, now I need to meet your president, Ahmadinejad,” said Maradona.

Sounds to me like “Hand of God” is about to shake Hand of Satan. The blimp hearts the chimp. The crackhead likes the crackpot.

But let Iran have Maradona. After all, we have Madonna.

There is a general reawakening taking place in the Islamic world.

A number of groups are associated with this reawakening and one of them is the Neo-Andalucian movement, which is a progressive pan-Islamic movement.

They use the appellation Neo-Andalucian because Muslim Andalucia was a center of learning and, at least for a time, a very tolerant place where Muslims, Christians, and Jews lived in peace and harmony for the most part.

Islam teaches Muslims to seek out knowledge and to be tolerant toward non-Muslims who are not at war with Islam.

Also, the fall of Andalucia in 1492 marked the beginning of the 500-year decline of the Islamic world.

The Neo-Andalucians want to start an Islamic revival to end this 500-year decline, hence the identification with Andalucia.

The Neo-Andalucians are seeking to start a new Islamic Renaissance, unite the Islamic world, and uplift the oppressed Muslim masses.

There are many interpretations of Islam, but there is only one Islam since there is only one Holy Quran, one qibla (direction of prayer), one hajj pilgrimage to Mecca, and one Friday prayers ceremony.

These factors unite the Muslims, despite their differences.

…To uphold the banner of Islam and defend the faith, to start the new Islamic Renaissance, unite the Islamic world, and uplift the oppressed Muslim masses, we must strengthen our faith, dedicate ourselves to the cause of Islam, and struggle hard for the cause of Allah.

One doesn’t have to read very far between the lines to see what the intent of this article is. The current regime in Iran has always tried to position itself as the leader of the Islamic world, with its Shi’ite leaders publicly playing up the similarities with Sunni Islam while privately bitterly fighting it. Iran’s purpose is to create a pan-Islamic caliphate, controlling the entire Middle East, dominating Europe and acting as the Islamic superpower opposing the US.

One of the interesting parts of this article that betrays its real agenda is its description of the ideal state: “a very tolerant place where Muslims, Christians, and Jews lived in peace and harmony for the most part.” Does such a place exist today?

Ahmad Jum’a, a 25-year-old student, has been to the kingdom six times for the ‘Umra, the minor pilgrimage. A member of the Nazareth-based Salam Association for Hajj and ‘Umra, he is also qualified to guide groups from Israel during their pilgrimages to Saudi Arabia.

Jum’a was born in Sullam, an Arab village in northern Israel. He is an Arab Muslim and has Israeli citizenship….

Once he has fulfilled his religious obligations of the pilgrimage, Jum’a spends the rest of his time mingling with the crowds and talking to Muslim pilgrims about life in Israel.

Explaining that he is a Muslim Arab with Israeli citizenship often leaves his audience gobsmacked.

“The Arab media always shows negative things about Israel and as a Muslim Arab living inside Israel I want to show a positive side of the country. I tell them there are good things in Israel and that we live side by side with the Jews. There are problems sometimes but the relations with our Jewish neighbors are generally good.”

The Muslims in Israel have freedom and passports, he tells them. They have a good economic situation and good jobs; they get along with their Jewish neighbors and they benefit from Israel’s services.

On a separate occasion he was talking with a Syrian pilgrim who, it transpired, had been a commander in the Syrian army in the 1967 War (Six Day War). Upon hearing that Jum’a was from Israel, the officer attacked him verbally and expressed support for Hizbullah.

Jum’a, a student of Middle Eastern studies, retaliated with a detailed review of Syria’s history, poor economic situation, its lack of freedom and the persecution of dissidents.

The Syrian officer was stunned by Jum’a’s knowledge, and astonished when he learned this was being taught in Israeli universities by Jewish lecturers.

“When I’ve completed the ritual, I talk politics,” Jum’a says. “I feel that I’m an envoy and wherever I go I need to explain the good things and bad things about Israel.”

Jum’a is not alone in this conviction.

Sheikh ‘Ali Bakr, 47, an imam from northern Israel who works for the Israeli Interior Ministry, has been to Saudi Arabia 24 times on pilgrimages. Bakr does not feel a contradiction in holding Israeli citizenship and attending the Hajj.

“On the contrary, I feel we’re a bridge between Israel and the Arab countries. We can bring people closer together,” he says. “Some think that Israeli Arabs are neglected and underprivileged, so we tell them that’s not the case, that we live here as equal citizens and that we fit well into the Jewish social fabric.”

If you accept the Iranian description of an ideal state for Muslims, Israel sounds like the place! (And certainly most Western nations.)

Obviously, the intent of “neo-Andalusia” isn’t a place where all peoples live together with equal rights; it is an Islamic-dominated ‘umma – that likely would extend to the real Andalusia – where non-Muslims are tolerated as second-class citizens and dissent is brutally crushed.