More results...

Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Post Type Selectors

More results...

Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Post Type Selectors

Bum Scare

What an arsehole.

An Iraqi national wearing wires and concealing a magnet inside his rectum triggered a security scare at Los Angeles International Airport on Tuesday but officials said he posed no apparent threat.
 
The man, identified by law enforcement officials as Fadhel al-Maliki, 35, set off an alarm during passenger screening at the airport early on Tuesday morning.
 
A police bomb squad was called to examine what was deemed a suspicious item found during a body cavity search of the man. Local media reports said a magnet was found in his rectum.
Call me old fashioned, but I think any foreign item found in one’s rectum could be deemed suspicious.
“He was secreting these items in a body cavity and that was a great concern because there were also some electric wires associated with that body cavity,” Larry Fetters, security director for the Transportation Security
 Or perhaps he just had worms?
Maliki, 35, who lives in Atlantic City, New Jersey, was preparing to board a US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia.
 
The flight left without Maliki but with his luggage aboard. It made an unscheduled landing in Las Vegas, where the plane was thoroughly searched but nothing was found, officials said.
The plane left with his luggage aboard?!
Passengers were not evacuated and no flights were disrupted by the incident at Terminal One at Los Angeles airport.
 
“There never was a threat,” Fetter said.
 
He said police and the FBI were called in from “an abundance of caution” because Maliki was “so bizarre in his behavior.”
And if he had acted normally, the police and FBI would not have been called? I’m sorry, but once someone carries a magnet and wires on to a plane, using their arse as their carry-on luggage, the authorities better exercise caution.

I’m just surprised the bomb sniffing dogs weren’t called in.

Update: The Top 5 Excuses For Having a Magnet Inside Your Rectum

5. “I have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I couldn’t afford a real doctor.”
4. “You mean to say that you don’t have one of those inside there?”
3. “I wanted to see how long it would take to attract attention.”
2. “Ahhh, that’s where it is. I’ve been looking for that for over a week!”
1. “I fell over and landed on it. It was a million to one shot,.. million to one.”

Update: I wouldn’t sink so low as to make the obvious LAXative joke.

About the author

Picture of David Lange

David Lange

A law school graduate, David Lange transitioned from work in the oil and hi-tech industries into fulltime Israel advocacy. He is a respected commentator and Middle East analyst who has often been cited by the mainstream media
Picture of David Lange

David Lange

A law school graduate, David Lange transitioned from work in the oil and hi-tech industries into fulltime Israel advocacy. He is a respected commentator and Middle East analyst who has often been cited by the mainstream media
Scroll to Top