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Makin’ Wookie

They don’t make Wookies like they used to.

Chewbacca Allegedly Sexually Assaults Marilyn Monroe, Flees

I can understand why he would try to sexually assault a Marilyn Monroe lookalike. But trying to sexually assault his fleas? That’s sick.

Ok, that joke was about as bad as the Wookie of this story.

A Chewbacca impersonator sexually assaulted a Marilyn Monroe look-alike in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood Sunday and then evaded arrest, police said.An LAPD officer said Chewbacca reportedly took the platinum-coiffed actress’s hand and placed it on his private parts while the characters were performing for tips from tourists.

The sidewalk in front of the Kodak Theater, at the Hollywood at Highland complex, is often crowded with buskers posing for tourist cameras and tips. Police have occasionally been sent to the theater, 6801 Hollywood Blvd., to separate feuding actors.

Earlier this year, an actor in a Chewbacca costume was arrested after a tour guide told him to stop harassing a pair of Japanese tourists. Police did not know if the same wookie was involved in Sunday’s attack.

The premiere of the latest “Harry Potter” movie was under way during Sunday’s alleged incident.

Chewbacca, whose real name was not available, fled before police arrived.

But police were confident the hairy assailant would be caught soon. “He’s always there (at the theater),” a spokesman said.

I can only guess as to how the Chewbacca impersonator moved in on his prey…

Top 5 Possible Chewbacca Pickup Lines

5. Growwwl
4. This Wookie needs some nookie.
3. I have a Seven Year Itch. Will you scratch it for me?
2. I am sick of going at it hand solo. Care to help me out?
1. Once you go Chewbacc, there’s no turning back.

Yeah, I know. They were also pretty bad. But you have to admit, this story was just begging for it.

About the author

Picture of David Lange

David Lange

A law school graduate, David Lange transitioned from work in the oil and hi-tech industries into fulltime Israel advocacy. He is a respected commentator and Middle East analyst who has often been cited by the mainstream media
Picture of David Lange

David Lange

A law school graduate, David Lange transitioned from work in the oil and hi-tech industries into fulltime Israel advocacy. He is a respected commentator and Middle East analyst who has often been cited by the mainstream media
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