Great Moments in European Union Counter-Terror: The Entebbe Raid
[SCENE: The Knesset basement, July 1976. Soldiers and civilians gather around a sand table containing a scale model of an airport. One guy has an eye patch. One guy looks a lot like Charles Bronson.]
Yitzhak Rabin: So when the C-130 lands, Team One rushes the terminal and neutralizes the terrorists while Team Two peels off and destroys the Ugandan MiG-21’s. Can your men handle this Yoni?
Yonatan Netanyahu: Yes, Mister Prime Minister.[A voice calls out from the corner. A man wearing Birkenstocks and a “Breaking the Silence” t-shirt stands up.]
Man: Excuse me, but if I could interject for a moment. Who is going to dialogue with the militants about deradicalization and counteracting the alienation endemic among those dispossessed by post-modernism?
Rabin: Nu? Who the hell are you?
Man: I am outgoing European Union Ambassador to Israel Lars Faaborg-Andersen, and Israel has much to learn from the European Union when it comes to fighting terror. [REAL WORLD NOTE: He actually said this.]
Rabin (Looking around): How did this idiot get in here anyway?
Lars Faaborg-Andersen: Have you tried opening your country to millions of people who strongly oppose your support of Gay rights, Womens’ Equality, and Freedom of Speech …. while at the same time forgetting to have children of your own? Because that is working rather amazingly for us.
Rabin (throwing a stack of papers in the air): I quit.
Lars Faaborg-Andersen: Have you tried bringing in large groups of foreign men who feel they have the right to sexually assault Western women in public places? Because again, Europe is taking the lead in this arena.
Moshe Dayan (turning to Shimon Peres): This is why I haven’t quit drinking.
[SCENE: Two days later inside a C-130 aircraft flying over Central Africa]
Yonatan Netanyahu: Two minutes to touchdown. Lights out! Radio silence! Weapons check!
Lars Faaborg-Andersen (wearing a “New Israel Fund” hat): Excuse me, but I was hoping for a more holistic approach to this operation.
Netanyahu: Oh. You again.
Lars Faaborg-Andersen: May I suggest that Israel establish vast suburbs around its cities that are under de-facto Sharia Law while at the same time becoming “No-Go Zones” for the police.
Netanyahu (feigning deafness): I can’t hear you over the sound of the engines!
[The plane lands, taxis, and drops its ramp. The troops rush out, firing their weapons]
Netanyahu: Quickly, to the terminal![A pair of Palestinian terrorists fire AK-47’s from behind sandbags. Lars Faaborg-Andersen rushes toward them, clutching a canvas bag.]
Netanyahu: Good job Lars! a satchel charge! You can destroy their machine gun nest!
Lars Faaborg-Andersen: Actually these are the by-laws to an NGO that I will strongly urge them to join. You see, the EU sponsors an environmentally sustainable weaving co-op in Ramallah that will work in tandem with a lesbian theatre troupe out of Antwerp in order to bring about true social change within…..
Netanyahu: Oy gevalt.
[FADE TO BLACK]