How’s it hangin’ my fellow Israelite? You don’t know me, but I feel like I’ve known you forever. I’m also a Canadian Jew, who’s big into Jewish comedy. I too premised much of my earlier years on being a funny guy and a stoner, but have long since stopped getting high, which to be honest is why I haven’t watched Pineapple Express. But I feel our kinship in my kishkes. I admired you for risking life and limb by taking on North Korea in The Interview – and I was even going to suggest you change your name to Won Dum Joo – get it?!
I admired you most for your relentless commitment to Zionism. When you celebrated Eric Bana and Entebbe in Knocked Up, because we Jews are finally “kicking f*cking ass”, I knew you were a true believer in the Zionist project, and more importantly, I knew you were gonna get laid that night because of Eric Bana and Israel. You – a diaspora Jew who “had a victim mentality my whole life” – overcame, as you put it elsewhere, your “man titties.” You were now a badass. Nobody was going to hold you down anymore.
But alas, you have abandoned us. You have defected to the anti-Zionist Woke crowd. Will your next film be about the Israeli Defense Forces harvesting Palestinian organs? You can call it Kidney Express. Trust me. You do not want to hang with these people. Their heroes dig tunnels, drive school buses, and wear combustible undergarments. Worst of all, they’ve got no sense of humor.
You’ve gotten yourself into the classic American pickle, but we want you back in our Superbad Sausage Party.
Another Dumb Jew.