Natalie Portman’s New Film Set in Parallel Universe Where She Doesn’t Say Dumb Sh*t

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Hollywood: Critics and audiences are raving about the new Sci-Fi hit starring Natalie Portman. The Film titled “Being De-Woked“, is set in a reality where Natalie Portman does not feel the need to constantly make statements about current events that make Snooki sound like Margaret Thatcher. In the film, the Israeli Government notices that Hollyweird is turning Natalie dangerously “Woke“,  so they dispatch a crack team of time-traveling Frechot Commandos (names: Maytal, Maygal, Roni, Meirav, Moran, and Stav) to find Natalie in the year 2008, kidnap her, and bring her to a secret Mossad laboratory in the Mojave Desert where she undergoes a controversial “De-Wokeification” process, thus preventing the current reality of a “Woke” Natalie from ever taking place. (Spoiler Alert: the mission is almost compromised when Roni diverts the Time Travel machine so she can visit the Duty-Free at LAX).

Natalie’s powerful performance (dare we say Oscar-worthy?) is making critics stand up and notice. “An incredible tour de force by Ms. Portman!” raved The Hollywood Reporter. “This is a magical Universe where a leader of the BDS Movement doesn’t publicly thank Natalie for her support.”

Variety Magazine was equally enthused. “Natalie is simply breathtaking in her portrayal of a woman who never describes the shooting of Hamas agents trying to breach the sovereign border of a country they are sworn to destroy as ‘atrocities’. Best Actress, Anyone?

While reviews have been uniformly good, Entertainment Weekly was disappointed that Natalie’s role failed to portray her not comparing a non-vegan diet to the Holocaust.

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