Guest Post (Daily Freier): Our Baseball Team Forfeited To JV

obamaSo we forfeited the baseball game again today to another school that Coach O called a “Junior Varsity Team”. I was really excited to make Varsity as a sophomore, but losing 3 times in a row sucks. Coach O says it’s because “We’ve lost our focus”. But maybe it’s because he wouldn’t tell us who we were playing.

When we got on the bus, Sam the old bus driver asked Coach O who our opponent was. And Coach O said “Gun Culture….. but also the Intolerance that some folks in America still have for people who are different.” And then Sam said “But Coach O, I think the opponent this week might be militant Isl…..” but before he could finish his sentence Coach O said “No, Sam. You’re not paying attention to the big picture. Now drive us to Partisan Rhetoric.” And when Coach O said those last sentences, he said them in that slow way that Dad uses when he’s trying to explain to my kid brother why we can’t buy a pitbull and name it “Warcraft”.

So Sam drove around the other side of the County for two hours looking for “Guns“, then “Intolerance“, then “Partisan Rhetoric“. I only have my Driving Learners Permit and Dad won’t let me drive at night, but I am almost positive that there is nowhere in the County called “Partisan Rhetoric“. But it gets weirder. The JV team called Sam while he was driving and said “We are your opponent today.” But Coach O told Sam to ignore them because they “didn’t really mean it.”

After we showed up late and found out we forfeited, we got back on the bus for the ride home.  Everyone was upset.  But get this, Coach O was less angry that we lost than he was at Donny, the Senior who sits in the back of the bus and makes fart noises whenever Coach O walks up and down the aisle.  So the moment we leave, Donny starts talking loud about Coach O being a “loser” who doesn’t know about “winning“. He kept repeating “Hey Coach! Say it! Say the name of the other team! You chicken?” He’s been pretty cocky since he kicked last year’s Co-Captains Jeb and Marco out of the back seat.  Now the two of them just sit in the middle of the bus with Jonah the Equipment Manager and complain the whole ride about Donny AND Coach O.  It’s kinda weird.

So anyways, after about 5 minutes of Donny making jokes, Coach O walks to the back of the bus and starts yelling at Donny for “popping off” about “stuff he didn’t know about“.  And that Donny’s jokes are “just going to make the other team stronger“. I didn’t follow the logic of that, but Coach O is really smart. He went to Harvard.

But even though he was really quick on his feet with answers, he never got around to, like, you know, explaining how we were going to win next week’s game. It was as if publicly outwitting Donny was more important for Coach O than actually beating our opponents next week. Or showing up at the right gymnasium for the match.

Then the moment Coach O started back toward his seat, Donny made those fart noises with every step Coach took. I have to admit, it was kinda funny.

jellyfishThe Daily Freier: Some of our best friends are Freiers. Reporting fact-based news from Tel Aviv, Israel since 2014. This is like satire and stuff.



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