To Very Nice, Very Important Australian Internet Police! (NOT!)
Jagshemash! I am Borat Sagdiyev, number one journalist in all of Kazakhstan, and I have big LOL at your silly little “E-Safety” decision. You think you are world boss of internet? WA WA WEE WA! Very funny! Let me explain why this is big joke, like goat who try to fly.
1. You Think Australia Control Internet? HA!
You say “cyber-abuse material” because someone put true things online? Boo hoo! In Kazakhstan, we do not cry when someone say mean word—we wrestle them like real man! But in Australia, it seems if someone get called bad name on internet, whole government must come rescue with big tissue for tears. Maybe you also give this person medal for “Most Fragile in Country”?
2. You Say People Are Scared? Well Maybe They Should Shut Mouth!
You say “this material makes person fear for safety.” But wait—why they so scared? Maybe because they say something stupid, and now people see truth? In my country, if man say dumb thing, we laugh, we not run to government and say “please protect me from words!” Maybe problem is not internet—maybe problem is person who cannot handle consequences of own speech? Very interesting, yes?
3. “Harassment”—Or Just People Being Free?
You say “people call workplace and complain.” Ah yes, this is very big crime, so much worse than, I don’t know… actual crime? Maybe next time someone leave bad Yelp review, you will send SWAT team, yes? This is why world laugh at you, Australia—you want to control everything! First it is internet, next you say “No more shrimp on barbecue unless approved by government!”
4. “Offensive” To Who? Your Small Feelings?
You say “this is offensive, it violate standard of morality, decency, and propriety!” AHAHA! What morality? What decency? You think whole world must follow your feelings? No, no, no, in Kazakhstan we have real problem, like bear stealing tractor, or brother Bilo getting lost in well. We do not stop world because someone is upset over words on screen.
5. You Have No Power Here! Like Man Without Mustache!
You tell me—how will you punish? You send your “E-Safety Police” on horse to Kazakhstan to make me stop? Maybe you put sanctions on my internet goats? WA WA WEE WA, I am so scared! No, wait, I am not scared, because Australia has no authority in Kazakhstan! Your decision is more useless than map of Uzbekistan!
So, what will you do? Maybe send angry letter to my village? Maybe cry and say “oh no, Kazakhstan do not respect our safe space!”? Listen, I do not care what you or your “ordinary Australian adult” think. In Kazakhstan, internet is wild, free, and not ruled by sensitive babies!
Your move, Australia. Maybe you ban whole world for hurting feelings next?
Great success! Not!
Sincerely,
Borat Sagdiyev
Number One Internet Freedom Fighter in Kazakhstan
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