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Infidels Need Not Apply

You may recall my blog post on Iranians signing up to become suicide bombers. Well, here is the application form:

In the Name of God

Preliminary Registration for Martyrdom Operations

I _____________, child of _____________, born 13_______ [Islamic calendar], the City of: _________________ proclaim my preparedness for carrying out martyrdom operations:

___ against the occupiers of the holy sites [referring to Najaf, Karbala, and other places in Iraq].

___ against the occupiers of [Jerusalem].

___ for carrying out the death sentence of the infidel Salman Rushdie.

Also, I would like to become an active member of the Army of Martyrs of the International Islamic Movement. Yes ____, No _____

Contact telephone:

Applicant’s address:

Applicant’s signature:

Note the following:

1. Jerusalem is mentioned separately from the “holy sites.” Which actually makes perfect sense to me.

2. Salman Rushdie is still in the poo, despite the Iranian government rescinding the death threats against him.

Update: Here is what the form should look like:

In the Name of Allah

Preliminary Registration for Martyrdom Operations

I _____________, child of _____________, born 13_______ [Islamic calendar], the City of: _________________ proclaim my preparedness for carrying out martyrdom operations:

___ against the occupiers of the holy sites (Europe, North America, South America, Africa, Asia, and Australia/Oceania)

___ against all non-Muslims (anytime and anywhere)

Do you still beat your wife? Yes ____, No _____

I would like to get laid by 72 virgins. Yes ____, No _____

If you answered “No”, then please explain in 25 words or less why not?

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

I would like to receive a free copy of Ali Omar bin-Halal Jumanji’s How To Avoid Premature Explodation. Yes ____, No _____

Also, I would like to become an active member of the International Solidarity Movement (ISM). Yes ____, No _____

* The first 1000 applicants receive a free set of steak knives (great for beheading)

Contact telephone:

Applicant’s address:

Applicant’s signature:

About the author

Picture of David Lange

David Lange

A law school graduate, David Lange transitioned from work in the oil and hi-tech industries into fulltime Israel advocacy. He is a respected commentator and Middle East analyst who has often been cited by the mainstream media
Picture of David Lange

David Lange

A law school graduate, David Lange transitioned from work in the oil and hi-tech industries into fulltime Israel advocacy. He is a respected commentator and Middle East analyst who has often been cited by the mainstream media
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