When it comes to PETA activists, the wheel is still spinning, but the hamster is well and truly dead.
While the results of the research are preliminary, scientists at the Diminutive Male Genitalia Disorder Research Organization have discovered a genetic link between small penis size and the thrill of the hunt. The organization recently began to tabulate data from a two-year study of men with Diminutive Male Genitalia Disorder (DMGD) and has posted the results on its Web site, DMGD.org.The subjects of the study varied from men with a slight abnormality in penis size to men with pubis innius, a term for an inverted male pubic region. By tracing what has been identified as the “DMGD gene,” an abnormality in the 21st chromosome was discovered. Researchers found that this abnormality appears to be consistently linked to two traits: abnormally small male reproductive organs and the ability to derive joy from killing, which starts with hunting small game and, in isolated instances, can manifest itself in homicidal acts. Research team leader Dr. Brian Upchurch and his colleagues in New Orleans, La., plan to investigate whether DMGD was a factor in the 2004 Sawyer County, Wis., incident in which a deer hunter went on a rampage and killed six other hunters.“These findings confirm what we have believed for a long time: Hunters just don’t measure up,” says PETA’s Justin Jest. “They are apparently overcompensating for their failure to hit the mark in the bedroom by blowing small animals away in the woods.”PETA intends to incorporate the findings of the study into campaign materials to combat hunting.
In other news, PETA have cited a study that people who eat meat are more likely to contain the “poopyhead” gene.
Update: I’ve been “April fooled.”
