George Constanza: “I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex, and floor seats for ever sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza: Lord of the Idiots!”(A few moments later): “But suddenly, a new contender has emerged…”
Meet Benjamin Bright-Fishbein, student at Brown University in the US, and now on a student exchange program at Jerusalem’s Hebrew University. Don’t let his name fool you. He is no bright Fishbein at all. In fact he’s what we call in Australia a bloody idiot.You see, young Benjamin thought it would be a good idea to visit the palestinian city of Nablus, since he is “very fond of the local culture.” I’m not sure which part of the local culture he is particularly enamored with- the lynching of Israelis, or the execution of suspected Israel collaborators – but whatever it was, young Benjamin decided it was worth experiencing first hand.
Bright-Fishbein told Reuters that he had visited Nablus by himself because he had heard it was a beautiful place, but could find nobody else to come with him.
No sh*t. I wonder why?
So there’s young Benjamin, sitting in a Nablus cafe by himself, smoking a water pipe, when he’s approached by Ahmed.
“He (Ahmed) had a pistol, a grenade and a machinegun. I didn’t want to be in his company, but it seemed I didn’t have any choice at that point,” Bright-Fishbein said.
No. He had the choice well before this point, and he chose to act like a moron and go to a dangerous place. With a Jewish skullcap. To put that in perspective, that is like having a sticker on your back saying “abduct me.”
So things were not looking too rosy for young Benjamin, despite his Jerusalem Post write-up (from the time he was an intern there):
His interests include “acting, writing inflammatory columns in the midst of a homogenous political culture, and being the guy with the multi-tool at the exact right moment.”
Well, if there ever was a right moment to have an AK-47, it was at that moment.
Anyway, cut to the next scene.
The drama began at around midnight, when the defense establishment began looking into a report that a foreign civilian, a resident of Jerusalem, was kidnapped near Nablus by members of the Fatah’s al-Aqsa Brigades.Photographs showing the abducted student were sent to the Reuters news agency and were aired on the al-Jazeera network. Israeli officials said that “the report has not been verified yet, but both the Israel Defense Forces and the Shin Bet are looking into it.”The al-Aqsa Brigades also sent a tape showing the young man, in his 20s, demanding that prisoners be freed in exchange for this release, threatening to kill the man if the prisoners are not released.The defense establishment began searching Jerusalem for students meeting the kidnapped student’s description. The inquiry also focused on the intelligence level.
No inquiry needed. His intelligence level is low.
As it turns out, young Benjamin was in luck. Noticing his American citizenship, his captors realized they better release him or else. As Fishbein recounted:
“In the end, I got the impression that they were in over their heads and they were going crazy talking on the phone.”
Sure beats having them in over his head.
And so young Benjamin Bright-Fishbein was saved from becoming another casualty of palestinian terrorism, and from being the punchline of a Darwin award.
I am sure many questions will be answered over the next few days about young Benjamin’s escapades. But for now, I’ll leave you all with some words of wisdom from the horse’s mouth:
“It was a mistake, a really big mistake.”
Indeed.
Update: Some more facts have come to light, that make young Benjamin undisputed Lord of the Idiots. You see, he actually does not usually wear a skullcap (see the second comment to David’s post). In other words, he consciously decided to openly identify himself as a Jew for his trip to Nablus, even though his religious beliefs did not preclude him from travelling in more incognito fashion.
“Look at me, my palestinian cousins! See? I am a Jew! I am not afraid. I just want to smoke peace pipe with you, and talk to you in Arabic, and be friends. Then, I am sure you will not harm me, like you have countless other Jews who have wandered in to your cities. I am different. My mother was right…I am special.”
Of course, I should have realized that he would not usually wear a skullcap, by virtue of the fact that he seems to have travelled to Nablus on the Jewish Sabbath.
