Reader Post: Confessions of a Mossad Agent
Before I make my confession to you, I would first like to preface by clarifying that I don’t call you “Anti-Zionists,” (as opposed to “Antisemites”) halfheartedly. The reason for this is two fold: 1. Based on my interactions with you, I found that every single one of you either had at least one Jewish best friend or a Jewish second cousin (and therefore you cannot possibly be antisemitic) 2. Arabs are also Semites – never mind that every dictionary defines “Antisemitism” as hatred specifically directed at Jews because all dictionaries are biased and are owned by Zionists. In any case, Jews are not semites anyway but Khazaryian filth from Eastern Europe.
Now for my confession – it has come to my attention that a prominent Anti-Zionist (and not antisemitic) human rights activist by the name of Asghar Bukhari has claimed that his shoe and a pair of slippers were kidnapped and taken hostage by the Mossad. I would like corroborate this allegation and say that it’s all true.
I was involved in the Mossad sleeper cell (no pun intended) that operated from under his bed and subsequently kidnapped his slippers and shoe. After the kidnapping, my conscience got the better of me and I resigned and now volunteer for an Israeli NGO called Breaking the (Akward) Silence.
I can now reveal that Mossad has a vast clandestine network of operations across Europe and North America where they operate from under the beds of well known activists – stealing their socks, shoes and slippers and then harvesting and trafficking all of these items on the black market. The money from the shoe, sock and slipper harvesting is then used to bank roll wars, false flag operations and the occupation and theft of palestinian land.
I can also reveal that back in 2010, under the orders of PM Netanyahu and Defense Minister Barak, the Israelis were going to send a team to operate under Max Blumenthal’s bed. However, the mission was called off because both the head of Mossad and the IDF Chief of Staff had refused to follow their orders. I can also confess to being the anonymous Mossad source who leaked information to prominent citizen journalist and blogger, Richard Silverstein. More importantly, while I can confirm that the allegations that Bukhari made on his Facebook page are 100% true, the YouTube video where he supposedly “clarified” his allegations was a fake. The video was a part of a wider Mossad false flag operation that was desgined to make Bukhari look like a certified nut job. The person speaking in the video was not Bukhari – it was Sasha Baron Cohen and Mossad had hired Cohen to impersonate him. In any case, you can read more about my time with Mossad on Mondoweiss, Electronic Intifada and Tikkun Olam.