Brutally Honest Israeli Elephants in a Politically Correct Porcelain Shop

Israelis are infamous for their brutal honesty, which is often not appreciated in “sophisticated” and politically correct societies. It is offensive to describe certain Jews as “Antisemitic followers of the Marxist faith” since they prefer calling themselves “Progressive Jews of the Transgender Toilet faith”. They believe that Tikkun Olam or repairing the world, is more meaningful when humanity is flushed to hell.

It is offensive to expose the less pacifistic tenets of Islam when everyone knows that it is called “struggling interfaith dialogue” and has “enriched” all continents except Antarctica. Don’t worry, it will reach there eventually as well.

It is racist to label “Allahu Akbar” chanting drivers who deliberately drive trucks into people as Islamist terrorists. “Liberals” know that these poor chaps are simply trying to get their driving license approved which is not easy when your driving teacher is an Islamophobe who confuses you with plenty offensive traffic rules.

The 9/11 terrorists had of course nothing to do with Islam. “Allahu Akbar” are old-fashioned SOS signals that Mumammed Ata and his colleagues were using while they were trying to navigate the planes through the thick Islamist Jihad fog above Manhattan.
“Itbach al Yahud” or “Slaughter the Jews” is nothing hostile as paranoid Jews in Israel might think. It is simply a polite Islamist food-related question whether you want the meat well done which every self-respecting restaurant should ask.

It is hurtful to label anti-Zionists as “antisemites” when we know that they are “Jew-loving fitness instructors” who want Jews to be fit and on the run indefinitely. Anti-Zionists know better than most how dangerous it is to become a couch potato. As Obama who worried so much about Jews gaining weight from settling down that his hair turned all white from the green line talk. Obama also condemned the planned construction of Zionist settlements at the bottom of the Mediterranean Sea, which threatens the implementation of the Aquatic two-Caliphate s solution between Sunni sharks and Shia octopuses.

It is offensive to expose Iran’s nuclear threat when every “liberal” knows that uranium is an important spice in Iranian food and Obama has a soft spot for spicy food.

It is unfair to accuse EU of antisemitism when it weeps crocodile tears each year on the International Holocaust Remembrance Day and organizes “Jewish Culture Festivals” which contain everything from Klezmer music to kosher pork sandwiches. The only thing missing is Jews but you can’t get everything in life.

The new UN chief Guterres experienced firsthand how offensive facts can be when Pallywood demanded that he apologizes for pointing out that the Temple Mount refers to a Jewish Temple. It is about time for another round of the Insecurity Council to expose the UN Chief as a “Zionist agent”. Someone needs to tell Guterres that those who refuse to bash Jews will be bashed themselves and deemed at the UN as a “threat to world peace”. A spokesman for the former Roman Emperor Hadrian responded with anger towards Pallywood that Rome did not send thousands of soldiers to Judea to get a falafel but in order to crush a Jewtifada.

Will the Jew Jesus apologize for being a “radical Zionist” from the “settlement” Bethlehem and provoking the birth of Christianity and the development of the Western world?

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Daniel Krygier

Daniel Krygier is a writer, political analyst and satirist living in Israel.

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