Six Minutes That Cemented Pallywood Whining

Pallywood is celebrating 50 years since its ”victory” in the famous Six Minute War in 1967.

For the first time ever, Pallywood historian Mahmud Whitewashallah shares with the wider public his shocking findings from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion’s Archives. “In 1967 Pallywood was threatened by three Zionist armies led by the Egyptian Jewish despot Gabriel Wasser who threatened to wipe out Pallywood from the map of fairytales. It was really a terrifying time for Pallywood which is not used to be outside the world of fairytales. We are very proud of the fact that we gave the world the world-famous One Thousand and One Lies as well as the Pallynudnik fairytale writer Hussein Chalid Andersenallah who lived in exile in Denmark. Thanks to him, every kid from Nebraska to Nablus knows children stories like The Little Merry Jihadnik and The Emperor Abbas’ New Armani Clothes.”

Anyhow, let’s return to our fairytale. “Syrian Zionists from the preoccupied Golan Heights, shelled peaceful ecological Pallywood terror camps with lox bagels and award-winning chardonnay wines. Meanwhile, the Zionist King of the Haschmatta Kingdom of Michael Jordan, shelled Pallywood’s Falafel bar Al-Quds with non-Halal matzo balls.” “The Zionists further escalated the tension by blocking the entry of Pallywood rubber ducks to the Tiran bathtub. After whining without getting the world’s attention, Pallywood’s pissful leader Yasser Arafat ordered a preemptive stroke and destroyed three Zionist camel forces on the ground in six minutes with his feared flying Jihad goat unit. “For the first time in 2000 seconds, Pallywood was able to celebrate with crocodile tears in front of the Whining Apartheid Wall, which is the only remnant of the second Pallywood Igloo that melted away by the Roman sun emperor Tinnitus. After the war, Arafat offered the Zionists sand for piss by withdrawing Pallywood forces from China, Australia and Scotland. In case you didn’t know, the Scottish kilt hails from the keffiyeh and was adopted by the Pallywood Highland hero Mel Gibbon in the famous Bravemouse blockbuster movie. The Zionists responded with the infamous Three No’s of the hostile Chelm Resolution: No to diet Oy Vey Cola! No to Weight Watchers! No to Gefilte Fish on Mondays!” “The Zionists have systematically rejected all generous Pallywood offers to rest in peace since the Peeling Commission in 1937. They also rejected the Camp David because they complained that the water temperature in the swimming pool was too cool for their King David to set up a camp. How can you live in peace with someone who constantly lies, steals your history and forces you to eat chicken soup with matzo balls the whole day?”


Daniel Krygier

Daniel Krygier is a writer, political analyst and satirist living in Israel.

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