This Hanukkah, I’m Gonna Gaslight You for 8 Days! By Linda Sarsour

Wuddup Allies! Who else is ready for Hanukkah? Great food! Games for the kids! Oh, and the part where you think it’s about Jews 2000 years ago fighting for a sovereign Jewish nation in “Israel”? Well that’s your White Privilege talking, know what I’m saying? So let me break it down for you. This Hanukkah I’m going to straight up gaslight you for 8 Crazy Days and 8 Crazy Nights! I already talked to the folks over at the Forward and They. Can’t. Wait! This week is going to be off the hook.  Anyways, let’s get started.

You see, I only came up with enough intersectional bullshit to last one day but by changing the subject and making false comparisons, we’re going to make it last 8 Days! Like when I raised money for the Pittsburgh Jewish Community and then gave the money to a mosque with ties to the Muslim Brotherhood until we got caught? Well maybe if you weren’t such a Right Wing Zionist you wouldn’t have a problem with this. Like maybe you need to do some work on yourself before you accuse me of money laundering.

Or when I get caught playing footsie with Minister Farrakhan for the 100th time, and then I write a letter of “Loyalty Agency and Unity” and let you know that it’s all in your head. And also that you’re racist. Add in some accusations of dual loyalty and you’ve got yourself some tasty latkes!

Also, taking screenshots of my old tweets where I praise Sharia Law, say that there’s nothing creepier than Zionism, and that I want to take the vaginas away from women who disagree with me? Well, if you were any more White Supremacist, you’d be wearing a hood.

So you’re still mad that I said that humanizing Israelis is a problem? Now you’re just disrespecting a Woman of Color. Whose color happens to actually be kinda….. White. But again, the fact that you noticed this is just another manifestation of your Islamophobia.

So in closing, here is my message to my Jewish Brothers and sisters in the Struggle: Check your privilege. Stay focused. Don’t get distracted. Be a good Ally. And keep your mouth shut. There’s some seats way in the back for you. Just look for the Jewish Voice for Peace banner.

Happy Hannukah Bitchez!

Daily Freier

The Daily Freier: Some of My Best Friends are Freiers. News about Israel, the Jewish World, and beyond. This is like satire and stuff.

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