A Palestinian Reworking of Genesis 49

Some satire by a Yid in Dixieland


Genesis 49

Jacob blesses his Palestinian sons and bequeaths them the land

1 Assemble and listen, sons of Jacob; listen to your father Filastin

2 Arafat you are my firstborn, excelling in terror, excelling in power, but needing a shower

3 Hezbollah and Hamas are brothers, their burning tires are weapons of violence
They have killed Zionists in anger and hamstrung the gays as they pleased

4 Ishmael, nobody will ever notice or care that he existed

5 Judah, your brothers will not praise you; your hand will be on the neck of your enemies, the indigenous people of color whose organs you harvest;

6 Sarsour will be a cockroach by the roadside, a viper along the path, that bites Roger Waters’s big pink ass

7 Rosencrotch will provide justice for the students of Palestine: dispassionate, woke, and Judenrein

8 Tlaib is a ravenous wolf. In the morning she devours Hamentaschen from IfNotNow, in the evening she meditates on the so-called Holocaust

9 Salaita is a rawboned donkey, well-equipped to drive a school bus

10 All these are the tribes of Filastin, and this is what their father said to them when he blessed them, giving each their indigenous allotment of territory, centuries before the greedy lily-white Zionists invaded from Khazaria

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