Peter Beinart Builds Bi-National State in Minecraft And Moves There
Mojang: Once again leading the way in the field of Performative As-A-Jewdaism, Peter Beinart spent the past six months designing a Bi-National Palestinian/Jewish State in the Minecraft Multiverse! That’s right, Peter painstakingly built a Virtual One State Solution, thus fulfilling all of the great ideas he’s been trying to sell us for the last couple years. The work was hard, but Mr. Beinart is a builder. Today Peter took the bold step of moving there to live permanently.
This is a bit of a turnabout for Mr. Beinart, who was still considered somewhat of a Liberal Zionist until a few years ago. However, as time went on and actual Israelis continued to disappoint him, Mr. Beinart slowly moved away from Zionism. He finally broke with Zionism after he read a book by the guy who founded Electric Intifada. (He. Really. Said. This.) Peter now refers to himself as a “Cultural Zionist who believes in the Right of Return“, which appears to be the last Rest Area on Peter’s personal Road Trip to his very own virtual Shtetl. The Daily Freier saw it all coming a mile away and actually ran a betting pool on this very topic. Think of us as the Moe Greenes of Anglo-Infused Israeli satire. Or not.*
In summary, Mister Beinart has been on quite a spiritual vision quest, and now he spends his time
running an Adult Daycare for Woke Tik-Tokers who hate their parents and went to Bard editing Jewish Currents Magazine. Happily, Peter’s Minecraft world has a Jewish Currents office! I know, what are the odds? The Daily Freier stopped by Virtual Jewish Currents to speak to Peter about his exciting adventure in founding an entire new 3-D world in which to hector his fellow Jews into being more like him.
“Not only did I build a virtual Bi-National State, but as an act of Teshuva, I choose to pay rent to the Palestinians who generously let me share this virtual world.” Dumbfounded, the Daily Freier asked just how this all worked. “I set up a recurring payment thru the Bank of America app on my phone.” Peter blithely explained. “I just factor it into my budget and forget all about it. Except when I’m late with a payment. Last month there was a glitch with my checking account, and I got a text from Omar Barghouti complaining about ‘The perfidy of the Jews’…. I’m pretty sure he was kidding.”
The Daily Freier was fascinated, and asked Peter to explain what led him to Beta-Test his Freshman Dorm Late Night Bull Session concept of Social Justice. “Supporting The Palestinian Right of Return is my Teshuva.” Mr. Beinart explained. ( He. Real-Life. Said this.)
Word of Beinart’s bold move spread quickly within Israel, with many supporting his move. We spoke to Ari, a combat veteran and computer programmer in Herzliya, “I already decided to move there myself. If the Palestinians refuse every offer for 50 years…” he surmised; “Then we are obligated to find innovative ways to dismantle Israel and live as a protected minority. It’s that simple….. Wow, these edibles are hitting me hard.“
We then spoke to Eitan, an Anglo Oleh living in Jerusalem. “Wait, will this online experiment in ending the first opportunity for Jewish sovereignty in 2000 years make Peter feel better about himself and possibly lead Rashid Khalidi to write a blurb for his book?” Ari ripped a giant bong hit and fired up his Laptop. “Sign me up.“
EPILOGUE: According to recent reports, Mairav Zonzsein also moved into the Beinartverse and is already sending rent checks to Ali Abunimah. Ariel Gold also expressed an interest in moving to this virtual neighborhood, but somehow got lost and ended up in an old Farmville expansion pack.
* You don’t buy us out. We buy you out.