The Forbidden Fruit

Hands off that banana

An Islamic cleric residing in Europe said that women should not be close to bananas or cucumbers, in order to avoid any “sexual thoughts.”

The unnamed sheikh, who was featured in an article on el-Senousa news, was quoted saying that if women wish to eat these food items, a third party, preferably a male related to them such as their a father or husband, should cut the items into small pieces and serve.

He said that these fruits and vegetables “resemble the male penis” and hence could arouse women or “make them think of sex.”

He also added carrots and zucchini to the list of forbidden foods for women.

The sheikh was asked how to “control” women when they are out shopping for groceries and if holding these items at the market would be bad for them. The cleric answered saying this matter is between them and God.

Answering another question about what to do if women in the family like these foods, the sheikh advised the interviewer to take the food and cut it for them in a hidden place so they cannot see it.

The opinion has stirred a storm of irony and denouncement among Muslims online, with hundreds of comments mocking the cleric.

One reader said that these religious “leaders” give Islam “a bad name” and another commented said that he is a “retarded” person and he must quite his post immediately.

Others called him a seeker of fame, but no official responses from renowned Islamic scholars have been published on the statements.

People may mock the cleric, but I know where he’s coming from. Eating such foods may lead to driving (heaven forbid).

But I’m glad the cleric did not ban these foods entirely, because then the men would miss out on them. And everyone knows bananas and cucumbers go really well with milk.

In the meantime, here are a few more things the cleric might consider banning women from getting too close to, due to their resemblance to male genitalia.

 ‘Allah’ in Arabic


Update: Yes, better watch out for those cucumbers (hat tip: Nikki)

7 thoughts on “The Forbidden Fruit”

  1. Imam Abdul Ziggy Al Freud says: “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”

    Imam Abdul Abillbill Al-Clinton says: “Speak for yourself. If you can.”

    Pope Algorius I says: “Chakras are the #1 cause of warming both global and local.”

    Rabbi Tuckman says: “Feh! Ancient weapons and goyish religions are no match for a blech that’s timed to cook your Shabbes chicken at the right hour.”

  2. Interesting how men are allowed to play, handle, erm, prepare said phallic produce, and why by their own logic, that isn’t construed as being remotely homosexual.

  3. If the ruling extends to other foods and sexes, this is going to put a lot of Turkish Doner kebab salesmen out of business.

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