Jeremy Corbyn: Yallah, Make Britain Gulag Again!

BBC: Mr. Jeremy Corbyn, the other day, you finally said, ‘Obviously, I’m very sorry for everything that’s happened’. What exactly are you sorry for?

Corbyn: Everything that has happened.

BBC: What exactly happened?

Corbyn: The British Labour party has been unjustly demonized for being infested with antisemitism.

BBC: And isn’t it?

Corbyn: Of course not. As proud anti-racist human bribes warriors, we oppose all forms of racism like Jihadphobia and Zionism.

BBC: Mr. Corbyn, do you harbor animosity towards Jews?

Corbyn: Nonsense. Some of my best friends are Jewish like Bernie Chelmers, Noam Chumsky, Norman Fiddlestein, Neturei Karta and brother Louis Termitekhan.

BBC: We did not know that Louis Farrakhan was Jewish.

Corbyn: He does not know either.

BBC: Who is to blame for global warming and growing antisemitism in Britain?

Corbyn: The Zionist Greta-hostile occupation.

BBC: Let us focus on the players in Britain. Who is responsible for 21st century antisemitism in Britain?

Corbyn: It’s Oliver Cromwell’s fault.

BBC: The British 1600s leader Oliver Cromwell?

Corbyn: Oliver Cromwell was responsible for allowing the Jews to return to Britain in the 1650s. No pesky Jewish Shylocks….Zionists, means no ‘Israel criticism demonstrations against Jews and synagogues in London.’

BBC: Jews are sometimes described as stiff-necked people. Reaction?

Corbyn: Iran’s ayatollahs and their humane allies Hamas and Hezbollah have offered extensive neck-massages but the ungrateful Zionists refuse.

BBC: What is your vision of the world’s future?

Corbyn: A Pax Marxist-Dhimmicana world order without white supremacists with messy blonde wigs ruling the world.

BBC: Messy blonde wigs?

Corbyn: Yes, we must oppose Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Boris Becker.

BBC: Boris Becker? He is a retired tennis player and he is a redhead.

Corbyn: Nobody is perfect.

BBC: So what do you suggest instead?

Corbyn: A diverse world led by anti-racist angry old white Marxist reptiles like Bernie Chelmers and me.

BBC: Do you embrace diversity in Britain?

Comrade Jeremy Corbyn: Absolutely. Here is my last-minute pre-election message video to the British people:

Do Zionist-Cowboy capitalists bully your Hamas and Hezbollah friends? Do you feel embarrassed for enjoying The Protocols of the Elders of Zion instead of reading David Copperfield? Are you Black, post-white, Michael Jackson-confused, Asian, pink, color-fluid or extra-terrestrial?

Do you support Yemeni transgender-goat toilets and gay-friendly pink cranes in Tehran? Do you struggle to pay for the expansion of the Caliphate Londonistan housing? Are you Sunni, Shia or Sushi, post-Christian or an anti-Zionist human bribes activist? Do you wear hijab, a turban, a stylish intifada-keffiyeh or a bomb belt? Are you an anti-racist Israel critic who cannot stand the sight of the Star of David? Do you believe in the right to honor Judeo-sceptic Munich Olympic terrorists? Do you want to push Britannia’s rule under the Marxist-Islamic waves?”

You have a future. You are worthy of dhimmitude under the benevolent Islamist boot, worthy of paying protection money to Islamist thugs and worthy of kissing the ayatollah’s holy nuclear tuches. The British Labour government will devalue you and a post-Brexist Britain inside the Eurabian League. Just switch of your brain and be your Marxist self. Our post-British anti-Zionist Communist-Jihad diversity is our greatest strength. Yallah! Make Britain Gulag Again!


Daniel Krygier

Daniel Krygier is a writer, political analyst and satirist living in Israel.

Daily Updates

Delivered straight to Your mailbox


By signing up, you agree to our terms