A Quick and Dirty Guide for Writing an Anti-Israel Hit Piece

A few weeks ago, an ice cream company declared war on Israel.  Shortly afterward there were multiple articles explaining why this was necessary.  There were so many arguments and accusations they became disorganized and contradictory.  In order to prevent further confusion in the anti-Israel community I am presenting here a basic guide to the Unending Sins of Israel as an aid to the modern anti-Semitic propagandist.

1. Frame the struggle to destroy Israel as a fight for human rights.  Hide the fact that a Palestinian has the protection of the law under Israeli administration but not under Palestinian. Correlate the struggle to destroy Israel to the American civil rights struggle, downplay those inconsequential differences between non-violent protest and the glorification of terrorism.
2. Emphasize that the Israelis are not permitting the refugees to return to their homes, the so-called right of return. Do not mention these refugees would be from the 1948 war, and their descendants, and that their goal would be to destroy the country.
3. Charge Israel with “apartheid”.  This word demands moral indignation as well as the head of the perpetrator.  True, millions have visited Israel, virtually everyone on the planet knows someone who has been there and can verify it’s not true. This does not matter, people who need to hate look for reasons to hate. Give them one.
4. Credentials are important. The traditional image of the anti-Israel activist is that of a guttersnipe who spouts nonsense. The creepy bigot of yesteryear now has to be educated, erudite, worldly with a social media presence, photogenic with credentials from the better universities at a minimum.  Of course today’s erudite hatemonger’s arguments are no more valid than his undereducated counterparts, just benevolently presented and loaded with anxiety for the victim de jour. Being a guttersnipe nowadays is art, science and demanding.
5. Hide the fact that the final goal is the destruction of Israel and its people. Do not advocate mass murder, merely justify it.
6. Ignore the Jewish community’s non-stop efforts at peace from the 1920s onward and that all were rejected.  Israel’s enemies would appear silly if it got out they kept losing wars to someone who wants to be a friend.
7. Avoid anything that may make the Palestinian government appear untrustworthy, like the fact that Arafat violated the Oslo agreement literally before the ink was dry.
8. Use terms “occupation” and “occupied territories”. Do not mention that Israel’s enemies consider all Israel occupied territory.
9. Do not be concerned about being denounced as a phony. Merely find yourself a circle that is so insulated that the truth does not penetrate or matter. Did I just define academia?
10. Use a Jew to catch a Jew. In medieval times the Church would use converted Jews to argue against Judaism.  The Soviets had a Jewish anti-Zionist committee. Just because the idea originated with the Spanish Inquisition does not mean it’s dated.
11. Avoid mentioning that the only reason anyone hears of Israel is due to it being an easy beat for journalists. Israel is the only place in the world one can claim to be a war correspondent while sunning at a nude beach.
12. Seek legitimatization form international organizations like the UN or NGOs. Overlook that no one really trusts the UN and most people do not appreciate that NGOs have to worry about being left behind in the race for victims to rescue.
13. Seize the moral high ground by misleading.  Pro-Israel statements can be quoted out of context to appear anti-Israel. The Ben and Jerry’s boycott is really about a strange pair of ice cream makers, not Israel.
14. If you run out of complaints about the Palestinians, find some other crime, like Israel destroying the desert by making it bloom, converting sea water to fresh water without permission from the rest of the world, taking artifacts from archeological sites without authorization from the original manufacturers.

The list does not have to end here.  Just remember no one really cares about the Palestinians, otherwise they would hammering the Palestinian and Arab governments, not Israel’s; it’s about getting at the Jews.

Good luck on your new lifestyle!