The Chaser’s Take on Green’s BDS BS
Marrickville mayor Fiona Byrne has conceded that her council’s plan to impose sanctions on Israel will have no impact on its troubled relationship with Palestine. But Byrne remains committed to the Palestinian cause, and has threatened that unless Israel complies with UN resolutions, Marrickville will launch an atomic assault on it.
Byrne admits that her decision to launch a nuclear war will come into conflict with another previous pointless resolution making Marrickville a nuclear-free zone.
As part of her willingness to take action, Byrne has also begun deploying Marrickville’s council rangers to the Middle East, where they will issue infringement notices for all Israeli settlers who have parked their vehicles on Palestinian soil.
Byrne acknowledges that her plan has its critics. “Some say have argued that it’s a complex situation, and that outsiders shouldn’t just waltz in and take sides,” Byrne said. “We plan to bomb them as well.”
“We think that Israel’s occupation of Palestinian territory is just as much a part of Council’s jurisdiction as a tree in a Newtown backyard whose roots are encroaching on a neighbouring property,” she added. “The only difference is that we respond to Palestine’s concerns in under a month.”
Byrne has reassured residents that despite her focus on foreign policy, she remains committed to services for the residents of Marrickville. “We are pleased to announce that rubbish collections will recommence just as soon as our garbage trucks return from the protest convoy in East Jerusalem,” she said. “And Council will work through the backlog of pending development applications right after it achieves Middle Eastern peace.”
The boycott proposal has not been popular with everyone, however, with even the Greens’ Federal leader Bob Brown opposing it. “This is embarrassing for the party when we’re trying to establish ourselves as a legitimate political force with a role to play in Government,” he said. But his objections were immediately howled down by incoming NSW Greens senator Lee Rhiannon, who called Brown a “Zionist puppet”.
Brown’s comments were echoed by Palestinian figures who said that the support of the NSW Greens was discrediting their cause. “We used to welcome the support of anybody who believed in a free Palestine,” President Mahmoud Abbas said. “Then we met Lee Rhiannon.”
But despite the controversy, the tough stance taken by Byrne and her fellow councillors appears to be having an effect. North Korea’s Kim Jong-Il, Cuba’s Raul Castro and the Sultan of Brunei have announced immediate reforms in a bid to stave off the wrath of Marrickville Council.
Update: Some of you may recall this previous bit of Chaser brilliance (I am referring mainly to the last part).