Iran Comes Up with Solution to Global Warming (Satire)

by Cassandra Bollocks

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In a virtuoso move that could save the world from global warming, Ayatollah Ahmad Alamolhoda, from the Khorasan Razavi province, said in a January 14 memorial ceremony for the victims of the downing of the Ukrainian airliner that Islam is about to take over the world and “cast a shadow over Planet Earth in its entirety.”

“This would be like stoning two birds with one stone”, the Ayatollah Alamolhoda told Iranian state TV, “Cooling down the overheated planet with the shadow of Islam, while finally making the Islamic Revolution global.” UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres immediately suggested that the Ayatollah be nominated for next year’s Nobel Peace Prize. Greta Thunberg is reportedly less enthusiastic, as the Iranian solution came too late to save her childhood, but she looks forward to wearing a hijab.

Putting his humane and compassionate attitude on full display during the memorial ceremony, the Ayatollah Alamolhoda also used the occasion to suggest that the UK ambassador to the country should be “chopped into pieces.” Asked to expand on his comments, the Ayatollah explained:



“Iran is terribly concerned about climate change. The UK ambassador uses private jets all the time. If chopped into pieces, he could easily be put in a sports bag and placed in the cargo hold of any commercial airliner, thus saving the world from more CO2 emissions. Not that any airliners seem to be flying to Iran these days. Our skies have been completely empty for a while now”.

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