Hi, I’m Zionist Shark
Recently, Aussie Dave asked if I would like to contribute as a poster on Israellycool. And by gum, it took less time for me to accept his offer than it takes for a rocket to fly from the concentration camp-y shores of Gaza, to the settlement of Ashdod. I’ve been an avid reader of Israellycool for several years now, and I am deeply honored to write for such a pioneering pro-Israel blog.
Due to the tenacious sleuthing of the Sharm-El Sheikh tourism industry, I’ve been outed as a Zionist Death Shark™ for almost exactly a year, now. But even before being on the payroll of the Evil Zionist Mossad, I was gainfully employed as an Evil Zionist for years:
- As a teenager, I was a counselor at an Evil Zionist summer camp.
- After graduating from college, I served as a Lone Soldier in the Evil Zionist IDF, as a tank gunner in the Armored Corps.
- I worked for the Friends of the IDF, supporting the humanitarian, social, recreational & educational needs of Israel’s Evil Zionist citizen-soldiers.
- I worked for Evil
JoooooZionist AIPAC, pulling the marionette strings behind the press, the banks, Hollywood, Congress… whoops! I’ve said too much.
Today, in addition to my ‘real’ job, I teach Jewish middle and high-schoolers about Israel at my local, twice-weekly Hebrew School. We are living in a time of profound moral inversion regarding Israel, an especially troubling manifestation of which is the narcissistic preening of pathetically misguided Jews who perversely think that by attacking Israel, they are on the side of the angels.
I see it as part of my mission as a Jewish educator that I not only talk about what a wonderful country Israel is (warts and all), but also that I give my students enough of a factual, historical foundation regarding the Arab-Israeli conflict so as to better prepare them to withstand the fallacious, putrid tsunami of anti-Israel propaganda that awaits them on college campuses, if not sooner.
In teaching them to be both proud of and informed about (I encourage the kids never to leave a question unasked, and to challenge every assertion I make, so they can judge for themselves whether there is substance to my words) Israel, my goal is to help them avoid joining the shameful ranks of foolish, ignorant, vitriol-infused, self-important DoucheBlogging™ Jews when they grow up.
And maybe the next time the Israeli government tries to get some of its million citizens living abroad to come home, my former students will be among those able to distinguish between mountain and molehill, between tempest and teapot.
In closing, in the immortal words of Crash Davis in Bull Durham, as he taught young Ebby Calvin ‘Nuke’ LaLoosh the subtle art of interview clichés…
“I’m just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ballclub.”
“I just want to give it my best shot, and the good Lord willing, things will work out.”
Note: The shark picture at the top of this post was created by gravitational; a member of AboveTopSecret.com, in the Mossad shark attacks- exclusive picture ! message thread.