Netanyahu Defeats Rival Gantz, Fake News Media Declares Three Days of Mourning

As the final votes are being counted, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s Likud party appears to have defeated the rival Blue and White Party led by the former IDF Chief of Staff Benny Gantz.

“Liberal” fake news media in Israel and abroad was in panic after their desired post-Netanyahu era appeared to be further pushed into the future.

Israeli leftist paper Haaretz, whose last pro-Israel piece was on Israel’s declaration of independence in May 1948, declared three days of mourning after their favorite hate object Netanyahu was not eliminated in the Israeli election.

Radical anti-Zionist Haaretz “journalist” Gideon Levy shared his frustration with Israellycool.

“Haaretz is in mourning. This is our Naqba Day. My fellow Israel-hater “journalist” Amira Hass and I are so depressed that we decided to skip lunch at work. Once again, our dream to get rid of Netanyahu was shattered by racist Israeli voters who had the chutzpah of exercising their democratic right to disagree with Haaretz core anti-Zionist and pro-terrorism communist values.”

Middle East “expert” Jeremy Bowen from Boiled Bacon Caliphate (BBC) also vented his frustration with the Israeli left’s inability to defeat Netanyahu.

“If nothing radical changes soon, BBC will have no choice but to annex the Israeli leftist losers and declare a media intifada against the Zionist entity, led by “racist” Netanyahu who is a friend of the “bigot” Trump.”

The tiny Australian Marxist paper “The Red Kangaroo Brigades”, condemned Israelis for refusing to dump Netanyahu.

“You call this democracy when you ignore the views of us angry Marxists out in the Australian outback? We condemned the “racist” Netanyahu and his Australian Zionist ally Croocodile Dundee who glorifies violence against innocent Islamic crocodiles.”

Meanwhile, senior PLO official Saeb Erekat vented Pallywood’s anger regarding the Israeli election.

“Once again, “racist” Zionist Jews have voted for “apartheid”, “annexation” and “violence” against us Pallynudniks who have lived in Pallywood for at least 100 million years. As you have probably already guessed, Netanyahu leaves us with no other option than declaring a “Day of Rage” for the 365th time this year.”


Daniel Krygier

Daniel Krygier is a writer, political analyst and satirist living in Israel.

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