UN to Israel: “You Have Violated Syria’s Fargin’ Rights”

UN Watch’s Hillel Neuer once again does a masterful job speaking truth to the corrupt, bigoted, morally bankrupt power of the Global Dictator Support Group, better known as NAMBLA the UN ‘Human Rights’ Council.

Good stuff! Man, watching these UN Watch videos is good times. Thanks, UN Watch! Thanks, Hillel! MOAR PLEAZ!

Neuer is right, of course. The only thing Israel is guilty of is giving the Syrians (and indeed the entire Arab/Muslim/leftist world) a raging case of cognitive dissonance. I hear CD can be quite painful, what with the tying oneself into pretzel shapes, trying to pin the blame on the jooooz at all costs.

For how else can they handle seeing Israel heal their wounded as they continue to butcher each other? After all, if this mania for placing blame for anything and everything on Israel weren’t such a pervasive phenomenon, no one would have taken seriously such patently ridiculous conspiracy theories as…as…oh, I don’t know…as a Mossad-controlled shark that attacked German tourists at Egyptian resorts just to harm their tourism industry. Of course, these days, the Egyptians are doing a damn fine job scaring away the tourists all by themselves.

But in the end, all of that painful twisting seems to have been worth it to the Israel-haters. Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug, and always seems to weave its magically illogical, counter-factual spell.


Hey, you know what? I’m in a frisky mood tonight, so just to switch things up a little, why don’t I have a go at the whole anti-Israel conspiracy theory dealio? They say you can’t really understand people until you put yourself in their shoes, so I’m going to try a little thought experiment, to see what it’s like to think like a cognitively dissonant anti-Israel douchebag. Wish me luck!

1) We evil Jews Israelis Zionists are only helping to heal wounded Syrians in order to…

[Looking good so far. This virulent strain of cognitive dissonance dictates that Zionists can never help anyone without harboring sinister ulterior motives. It can’t possibly be that all of these myriad examples of Israel doing good in the world (including with its neighbors) are because that’s who Israel is at its core. Nay, every single example of good is but an attention-diverting pawn in an evil Zionist Potemkin Village-esque chess game.  -ZS]

2) …hide our shame at just how bad we are at ethnic cleansing

[Wait, this makes Israel look good. I need to remember that no matter where the truth takes me, I have to find my way back to a conclusion that blames Israel. This is tougher than I thought. -ZS]

3) …but as bad as we are as cleansing, we’re ninja-level experts of washing all kinds of things…

[See what I did there? -ZS]

4) …like Pinkwashing, Earthquake WashingAssad Washing, Pink Puppet Washing,…

[Now that’s more like it! No matter how ridiculous they sound, these are but a few of the many examples of the Zionists hiding our ‘crimes’ from the haters who refuse to be swayed by any and all evidence to the contrary. I think I’m getting the hang of this……ooooh, maybe Israeli CD-sufferer Tal “lack of IDF rapes = racism” Nitzan will invite me out for a cafe hafuch! Maybe Canadian Jewish CD-sufferer Jenny “Jews use Holocaust to justify their inherent racism” Peto will invite me out for a box of Timbits! Exciting! -ZS]

5) …and the mother of all washings, the washing that explains that no matter how high Israel has set the morality bar for armies and nations, no matter how far they go to protect an enemy’s civilians, even as said enemy plumbs the depths of depravity to put its own civilians in the line of Israel’s defensive fire, all of that can simply be explained away as Light-Unto-The-Nations-Washing™.

Aaand scene.

[Ugh. I don’t feel so good. Being around this kind of deranged, hateful thinking is not good for my evil good guy Zionist soul. Maybe if I go to lunch with some friends, I’ll feel better. Well, maybe not these friends… -ZS]




For those of you poor souls who didn’t get the Johnny Dangerously reference in the title, please enjoy the delightfully fractured NSFW English of one Roman Moronie:


Zionist Shark

Zionist Shark (not his real name) is just your average evil Zionist Shark, exposing the moral imbecility of the anti-Israel feeding frenzy. He also shares his short-form Zionist rantings on Twitter - @ZionistShark